Jump to content

I hate these emotion shifts!


Recommended Posts

She was my first relationship we were together 3 1/2 months and saw eachother once during our relationship. She broke up with me on the 14th of Dec. 4 Days before my birthday, 11 before christmas. We had made plans to meet in the christmas holidays, it was the thing i was most looking forward to, seeing her again.

Her reason for breaking up was "I hardly ever see you" Arghhh i am so dissapointed that her commitment to the relationship was this low :(

She went on to say "It was a dumb relationship, i am sorry if you thought otherwise."

"I still like you and no there isn't someone else"

I know people who live further than we do and they are holding up strong and having a great times when visiting. We live 2-3 hours by train, about an hour by car... i am learning to drive this year.

Why, why, why ,why couldnt she work this. People can go much longer than 2 months without seeing eachother and still want to be together.

I REALLY MISS HER. I wan't to move on now. I haven't been in contact with her since the 19th, friday.

I asked her if we could meet and she said "Maybe, I'll think about it."

No reply so on sunday i send her (and now regret sending) this message "I don't understand one minute you're telling me how much you miss me the next you never want to see me again". I wish i could take that message back :( And learnt about NC before because now i feel she wont ever reply.

She wished me a happy birthday. She didnt on christmas or new year :(

In one way i am grateful that she isnt contact me as she is allowing me to heal. But in another i keep asking myself if she isnt missing me, why when i respected her and treated her well can she just kick me out of her life like this?

Anyways, yes almost 3 weeks on NC. When/if she does call (however it will most likely be a text) I want to be over her, well, i would like to see if we could work again. But i don't want to make an effort. I want her to make an effort to win me back. Otherwise i am moving on. I have no idea if she has a new bf. I deleted her from everything an hour after she broke up with me (that is facebook, msn, phone etc).

Argh, i just want to have her back, or move on. I can't make this decision!!! :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
starzphalling

Argh, i just want to have her back, or move on. I can't make this decision!!! :(

 

 

Well in order to keep your sanity, the choice is move on. You can want her back and still keep moving. Just realize if you choose to sit and want her back, when eventually it dawns on you that she's not coming back (unless by some miracle she does) you're going to have to start getting over her then...it will make the pain much longer and more drawn out. Don't let her run your life, keep living it, think of her when you have to, but don't count on her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Felt really **** today. I missed the bus home after visiting a friend so i had to wait and hour... i couldnt stop thinking about her :(

"Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (i miss you)"

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Young Son

Whoa man. Your story is almost exactly like what happened to me recently. Long distance, together for maybe three months, saw each other once. Things going great until one day POOF! She said she couldnt handle not seeing me on a regular basis. I was so confused.

 

In the end I saw why she did it and from her perspective it made sense. I too am trying to move on and I know its hard brother. The other poster is right. I made a conscious decision to just do NC and start living again. I've been doing that for the past three weeks. I did however include her in a text sent on xmas and new year to all my friends, but I haven't contacted her one-on-one. During this time I have begun to feel better and the pain is subsiding.

 

However I feel in a worse situation than you because we parted on good terms and she still believed there was hope in the future for us. Its just that neither of us were willing to relocate for a good while, so it couldn't work in her eyes. My problem is that she still wants to be friends. During my current 2 weeks of NC, she has contacted me twice (once a week) asking how I am and what I'm up to (just like a friend). The problem is just when I start to feel like I'm moving on, she texts me and I get all confused again. Because I value our friendship, I feel I can't cut off all contact permanantly. We ended the relationship on good terms and it wouldn't feel right to just cut her off. The thing is, if I told her not to text me anymore, she WOULDN'T. She has that kind of respect for me that if I told her it was too hard being on this middle ground, she would back off. And that's why she is special.

 

I'm no expert in this stuff, but from my limited experience I suggest keeping up NC and living your life. It will get easier, trust me.

 

Peace brother.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it's always distance so much the expectations as one half of the relationship that each individual has that determines how big a problem not seeing each other is.

 

My last two relationships one was a 3 year deal where I was at uni the whole time and saw my gf every other weekend or so and in holidays, I was fine with this I guess because I was busy and at the time was enjoying myself, I had no great expectations I just ran with the punches.

 

Now I'm just going through a breakup with my most recent lady after about 10 months or so officially together she broke up with me because she felt too much pressure and expectation among other things.

 

The more I wanted to see her the more she'd seem busy, the more busy I was the more she'd want to see me. I'd drop things for her because she became my life and she didnt really ever do the same.

 

The best I think you can ever hope for in a steady relationship is to both have strong independent lifes that allow you your own time and freedom, with some sort of crossover (really you've got to have some common interests if even only a few) and no real expectations of where you want or percieve yourself or need to be.

 

Long distance is hard, but it can work as long as you both appreciate and see the relationship for what it is.

 

Sorry to hear about the timing of your breakup ATR, I know myself the holidays arn't exactly a good time to be trying to deal with that.

 

Chin up though it will and always does get better and if she's prepared to let you go for any reason, then you're better off without her because she obviously doesn't value you and you're better than that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey I am new to this forum and my fiance broke off our engagment 4 months ago. We were supposed to be married in May and have been together for 9 years. I hate to say it I am 4 months in and I still have emotion shifts. Sometimes I feel great and ready to start my new life and other times I am so depressed and angry I feel there is no escape. I have realized though that there is nothing you can do to prevent the mood swings or change how you feel when you are going through it. You just have to ride it out and make the pain a part of you. It sucks I know, but sometimes I hate the feeling of being alone and other times I just don't feel like going out at all. I just don't know what to feel anymore. But hopefully with time, it will slowly fade away. In response you wanting her to want you back, again I hate to say this , but you can't depend on that because it might never happen. That's what everyone wants, but women don't always function that way. They are crazy and don't know what to do. I always used to tell my ex that I felt she didn't fight hard enough for the relationship and for me. I wished she would, but she just never did. But now you almost just have to put it out of your mind and just see what happens, because sometimes they do come back. Good luck man.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...