I've lost her and I want her back!!!!

[MemyselfandHer]

...We've been together for a little over a year. Last Sunday she says that she hasn't been happy for a long time and she just didnt know what the problem was; aside from our arguments about trivial things everything was perfect. The arguments only resulted in anger like 3 times the whole time we were together and even then we resolved them quickly.

We serperate for a week so she can think. The entire time she had been hanging out with her 1st boyfriend. I explained to her that I understood that I took her for granted sometimes and that I thought that if I treated her better than all of her exs did then that would be enough. I realized that was wrong. I brought roses and apologized. On the day I brought the roses to her was the day she dropped the bomb that she had been hanging out with the "rebound king" and that she intended on getting back together with him.

How can her opinion of me and her love for me change in one day. She wouldn't even let me touch her. I thought that if she had been feeling as badly as me that whole week then we could surely work things out but she went on about how good the "rebound king" had been to her in that one week. She was unuaslly cold and sarcastic towards me the entire time. Shew would not even allow me to touch her. As I was leaving in agony she announced her intentions to get together with the rebound King. What do I do to win her back without making her more annoyed than I already have.

[befuddled]

Wow what a predicament…I did this to a guy one time. A long-term relationship ended and I wound up with this great guy. We were perfect together and totally enjoyed every minute of each other. This went on fro months and months.

 

Then one day my ex came back into my life saying all the things I wanted to hear! Basically he won me back… So I ended my current relationship and totally broke his heart!

 

It’s been 3 years and to date I have NO clue what possessed me to go back with my ex!!! Within the 1st month I was thinking about the other guy and how wonderful he was. He really did not want to talk to me. Told me cared too much about me that seeing me and talking to me only confused him and did not allow him to move on. I felt so rotten for breaking his heart.

 

Well the relationship with my ex last a year and then it came to a crashing halt!!! I think I had experienced the same pain I inflicted on another. I finally reestablished a friendship with the guy (whose heart I broke). We are not together but we are very good friends. I made amends to him for hurting him and he accepted… granted it took 3 years for us to be friends.

 

I no longer speak with my ex. I honestly don’t think that you need this girl back right now, not after how insensitive she is being to you and your feelings! You can’t make someone love you.

 

But what worked for me was the fact that I was told he could not see or speak to me. He totally left me alone to go make my decisions (wrong as they were) and live my life. I would let sleeping dogs lie… She has to live with the guilt of her actions… and maybe she’ll wind up tasting her own medicine 10 fold!!!

 

I know this must be a tough time for you… but don’t hang on to this girl, you’ll only push her away more and more!!!

 

Good luck!

[MemyselfandHer]

...Yeah but I know she still cares for me ...

 

She using hate and many other contradictions of her character as defense mechanisms. What do I do to manuever around them...I know time is something but I don't want to wait to long because the rebound king may hurt more...

[befuddled]

Right now at this point in time, she needs to live her life and make her own decisions.

 

If you want to stick around and be nice and continue to get hurt then that is your choice, but I strongly advise against that. Let this girl go do what she must. If she comes back to you then decide if you want her back at that time.

 

She is being mean and hurtful probably so that you hate her and walk away not hurting... I know it makes NO sense.

 

If Mr. Rebound King hurts her... that is her pain and her problem and that's a risk she is willing to take right now. She may live to regret it.

 

But if you continue to be nice, and a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to this girl (right now) then you are letting her know that she can get away with treating you like this and she will take full advantage of your offer.

 

I think you need to tell her that she has a right to make her own choices and that you care a great deal about her, but right now you don't want to see her or speak with her. Do you think Mr. Rebound King was nice to her? Treated her well? The answer is probablly not... but she went back with him!

 

If you keep implying that you want her back and you love her and you are not over her... she is going to push you away or if she keeps you around, then you will be treated like crap and you'll wind up just as hurt as you are right now...

 

I know this is harsh! I'm not meaning to sound like a cold hearted person... but I am woman hear me roar!

[befuddled]

I'm sure she still cares about you.

 

The quicker you move on... the quicker you'll be over her.

 

When one door closes, another door opens. You need to keep that in mind.

[Bill]

There is no hope here.

To put it in a simpler explaination... she does not want to be with you, or else she would be.

 

Something similar happened to be back in December when my g/f of 2.5 years left me. You just really need to forget about her! Yeah, I was upset for a while... but I found someone much better (after finding someone worse, lol).

 

You are not going to win her back, and it's just not going to happen. If you continue with this, which I believe you are, you will lose. Contrary to what you might think, she's a lost hope. Don't make a fool of yourself like I did before.

 

"Make a fool out of me once, shame on you. Make a fool out of me twice, shame on me."

 

Ever heard that quote? Think about it. It's a very important lesson. I know where you are at. When I got this very same advice that I am giving you, I did not take it. I thought I could "change things" that I was a different case!

 

I thought WRONG.

 

Don't make the same mistake that I made. Have some dignity, forget about her and find someone else.

 

I found someone else, and you know what? I am so happy now that I have this girl and that I forgot about the others.

 

Either way you go, you will learn what I'm telling you.

[velvet]

If she wants the rebound king over you than let her do it. I wouldn't so much as lift a finger other than the bird to get her back. Whats she going to do turn around and come back to you tomorrow morning? I don't think so, if she does shes a real flake.

 

Shes made her choose, now respect that and move on.

[Guinness]

I think you should let her go - stay completly out of her way. If she did not really know what she wants , she might want you when she cannot have you. and if she really does not want you anymore you would only make a fool of yourself if you try to get her back.

 

And then I agree, you always get back what you send out in life, perhaps not 10 fold but at least 3 times. I am sure( and I am also sure that I will get back what I send out but oh well...) -

 

Anyways, there are other girls around, and there sure is another one around that treats you the way you deserve to be treated! Good luck!

[kizzy]

Hi!

 

I posted the excact same post as you some time last week, only in my case, it's the boyfriend who wants out.

 

I have spent an entire week being depressed about this and hoping he will change his mind.

 

He has given me a month to "change" (i.e., stop making him pay for what my abusive ex did to me) and show that I can be in a normal relationship.

 

However, he has said some very nasty things to me. His intent (like your ex): to get me to go away. But, because I have no self-esteem, I keep pushing him and letting him call me names, like "stupid f...... c...", "pyscho b....", etc. He has told me that I'm beyond repair, that everything I say about changing is a lie. Now, I now I've promised him every other week for over a year that I would change, and I never did, but, that doesn't mean I now deserve this vitriol...I can understand that he, like your girlfriend, is feeling let down, but you need to stay away from her.

 

I, like you, really want my ex back, but it's out of my hands. The damage is done.

 

Try to take this time for yourself; figure out what role you did/did not play in your relationship. Until you can stand on your own and be happy, you won't be happy with anyone else. Don't use her to fill a gaping hole in yourself (like I did with every guy I was ever with, including the last one).

 

I don't mean to sound preachy, and believe me, every day is a struggle for me...some days, I don't want to leave my house;but, we have to be worth something to ourselves, before we can be with anyone else.

 

I don't know if it's wise for two such people as ourselves to correspond (hurting as we are);but, if you want to "talk" feel free to email me: <e-mail address removed>.

 

Listen to the others on this message board (especially Tony), they know what they are talking about and they are very wise.

 

Take care of yourself.

[alwyn000]

I really understand tha pain & agony u r goin thru...coz I'm experiencing the same thing as you rite now. But I think mine case is worst...coz all along when shes wif me...her ex. is still somewhere in her heart.

 

She then told me that we should be friends first...give her time to 'cool' down first. ( Coz her ex. called her up n say things like " I miss u" )

 

I know I definitely gonna lose out to her ex. n I was so afraid of losing her that I began to bugg her, and gave her pressure till she finds mw now a bit irritating..her feelings towards me has changed a bit already..not like before. I was so hurt, thats y i posted a lota messages here to seek help n advice from ppl here.

 

So wat i feel is that....the decisions is ultimately hers, if shes yrs, she will come back. If not, no matter how hard u try u still cant have her. Strange that I would say such things...coz rite now I'm bluffing or rather blinding myself thinkin that there's this 0.001% that i might have a chance to have her back wif me again. haha...

 

But u mus also consider one thing, if she really comes back, would u still dare to love her whole heartedly like before? For me I guess I would hold back a bit in case the same thing happen again, I would feel more hurt.

 

U know, ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY MAN....

 

All u n I can do now is HOPE...coz its very very difficult for one person to change his/her feelings towards one person.

 

[CCamal]

You need to leave her totally alone. If you chase her, she'll start resenting you and there will never be any hope. I had an ex, whom I was totally in love with. Over time, I started to question my feelings. Finally I decided I wanted to explore other relationships and see if there wasn't something else out there for me. When I broke it off with him, he flipped. I got roses and poems and songs written for me. He didn't understand that flowers, peoms and songs are for special occasions or for when a guy has screwed up or cheated on his girl, to try to win her back. If you're losing her, because of things going on in her head, the flowers, poetry, begging, etc. are only going to make her angry that you are not respecting her wishes/decisions to end the relationship. Trust me, she's telling the new guy (or rebound boy...whatever) everything you do. She's not appreciating it. You're making her feel guilty and angry for not wanting to be with you right now. ACT LIKE A MAN and walk away. Take pride in yourself. It's so much more attractive. If she sees you're not coming around, she's is going to miss you. Then she's going to question whether breaking up with you was a smart or dumb thing. Give her time to miss you. Let her know that she can't have you. People want what they can't have. Let her be with this new guy so she can decide. Maybe rebound guy will turn her off in a month or two. Wimps and beggers turn women totally off. IF my ex had left me alone, I am so sure I would have missed him. He just didn't give me the chance to. Now I can't stand the sight of him.