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the strangest thing...


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Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half....

I thought id be devastated, but I couldnt go on in a relationship where I didnt know how my SO truly felt about me.

I agonized for weeks over what to do..I went from I love him too much, we can work things out, maybe if I talk to him more etc. to No..I deserve better.

 

Anyhow, I finally made the decision when I discussed this with a few people, two of which made it quite obvious to me that this relationship was not healthy. Still, i loved him and it petrified me to break his heart. (At this point i imagined he loved me somehow).

 

Well I did it...i broke it off...I wanted to do it nicely, in person, but he pressured me and we ended up breaking up on messenger.

 

Afterwards, i felt elated...I felt SO happy and....free, i guess.

At first i thought it was because of the adrenaline. (and I was mad that he didnt even try to fight for me, in fact he said he loved me but maybe not enough to be in love with me...). I was dreading today..i thought it would hit me, and i would be miserable...but strangley enough, Im still soooo very happy...VERY VERY happy.

A coworker told me I was glowing, I had so much energy, and I felt so free.

What is going on??? is this normal? is it gonna hit me later?

I mean its cool that im not crying and wanting to curled up in a ball, but...its just weird since i thought i loved him so much! :confused:

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I think this is a normal response. Sometimes you just check out of a relationship, long before you actually break up. You did your healing while still dating him, talked out the breakup with friends, came to terms with it before hand, and now you're free.

 

Congratulations! Its hard ending any relationship, even if you want out. I personally have never had the strength to do so, but you did it, good job! ;)

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You sound just like my ex.

Even the way you broke up with the guy.

 

And that kinda explains (I guess) why I couldnt be mad at her during the break up. Sure I was hurt (more like devastated) when we broke up, but I could tell that she was happier without me.

 

Dont get me wrong, I wasnt a bad boyfriend or anything. I loved her very much, and I believe she truly loved me. Its just that for some reason or another we werent exactly a match, no matter how hard we tried to hold on. So she drifted away from me towards the end of the relationship and when she finally broke up with me, she seemed a lot happier. And as much as I hated to lose her, im happy for her.

 

I have a question though. What do you mean when you said he pressured you: "I wanted to do it nicely, in person, but he pressured me and we ended up breaking up on messenger."

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Possibly you dealt with it while you were making your decision, but do be warned that sometimes these things can take a while to hit, because denial is a very real phenomenon... My ex and I have been split up for 4 months, and I really thought I was doing ok for the first 3 months - it was only when I found out that he is seeing someone else that it really hit me and I turned into a wreck. Everyone's different I guess.

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I've had that feeling before. I felt it the day after my last boyfriend dumped me. So I don't think it has anything to do with "checking out" of the relationship early.

 

I think it has more to do with the fact that your relationship has been too complicated for too long- and now you are freed of the burden of trying to figure it out. In my mind, you're experiencing a moment of lucidity.

 

In my experience, that feeling doesn't last - the loss of the break up will most likely hit you. But just remember this moment: this moment is what your life can and will feel like once you're over the heartbreak. Free, happy, easygoing.

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you are most likely relieved to have carried out a descion that was weighing you down... Once the descion was made and acknowledged, you felt some freedom of all the angst....

 

In most relationships that break up there is some grieving process...

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well, i guess it took three days to hit me...sadly :(

 

Today ive had a hard time just being in my apartment. Ive been babysitting all day but I cant help but conjure up memories.

I know i broke it off. But i do believe i loved him and I really had a lot of hope for us. I know he did too but for different reasons.

 

I keep thinking about all the things we did, and wonder what it all meant...and most importantly, why would someone stay with someone they dont love.

Obviously he wasnt too heartbroken, as he didnt even try to fight it.

 

What i meant by "he pressured me" was that I asked to meet him at a restaurant that nite. He kept insisting on me telling him what was it about, I kept trying to postpone it but he said from the seriousness of it all and the neutral venue, it looked like we were breaking up. I said that that depended on his response to a very important question. (what in the world did he feel for me!).

He insisted that i asked him right then and there...so i did...and he responded very defensively with "what more do you want from me, im at my best...well, not really".

Then continued with that he "thinks" he loves me but isnt comfortable with the thought until bassically his family gives him permission to love me completely (complicated story).

Anyway it ended in him telling me he loved me but not enough to be in love with me....and i said that wasnt enough...

 

long story short he apologized for having wasted my time and signed off. He later texted me saying he "couldnt" meet. I asked him to let me know when we could meet up to finish talking. He said there was nothing left to say.

 

 

anyway, sorry for the long story but i needed to write it out to remember why i felt so good after i did it. Ive been feeling lonely, and a bit regretful...sad sad days

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