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Am I Cruel?


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My boyfriend and I broke up just before new year. However, he has continued to contact me by sending me text messages and e mails. I reply but he keeps asking how upset I am. I was with him for a year and to be honest I was not that upset when we broke up. I have only just turned eighteen and I figured I could get my life back.

 

Does this mean I never loved him? Am i cruel for getting over him so quickly? I have started going out with friends again and its great to be the old me. But I feel guilty for not going through the emotions everyone said I would when we ended. What does this mean?

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1. "Does this mean I never loved him?"

 

Not necessarily. You may not have loved him deeply enough...obviously you did not or you would not have broken up with him. You could have loved him very much but there were other things about him you just didn't want to handle. Chances are you loved him a lot at one time during your dating but that love diminished over time...which is quite OK. Maybe you never loved him at all...gosh, if you don't know then you probably didn't. And that's great too. You can't fall in love with everybody you date.

 

Usually, if you date a while and feelings don't develop, it is quite wise to terminate the relationship in favor of finding someone with whom you can have an emotional and/or spiritual connection.

 

What difference does it make? Email the guy one more time and tell him if he keeps bothering you by writing email, you will call his ISP and let them know he is harassing you. Make it extremely clear to him that you don't want his emails and if he feels obsessed about writing them, he should get professional psychological help. Tell him you're going to start forwarding them to all his friends and all over the Internet. That ought to stop him real fast.

 

2. "Am i cruel for getting over him so quickly?"

 

This would not be a proper application of cruelty. In addition to the reasons set forth above, I think you are psychologically strong and rational. There is no good purpose or reason to keep hurting if you don't have to or you don't want to.

 

Some people get over others very quickly. Some take a long time. Cruel is when you are mean to someone else, so it doesn't apply in your case where you have worked to make yourself feel good and to get over this guy.

 

And even if you never loved him, you are broken up now and that's not an issue. Move forward, girl, and forget this matter. This guy is ancient history.

 

But don't get your hopes up too much. One day, some guy may plaster your heart all over the side of a building and you'll be devastated. I hope that doesn't happen but it usually does to most of us. In that case, come back here and we'll help you through it.

 

3. "I have started going out with friends again and its great to be the old me."

 

Proof positive that your ex was the wrong guy for you...if you weren't able to be yourself in the relationship and if you weren't continuing good contact with your friends. Men who really care about you will encourage you to continue your contact with your good friends and he will NOT monopolize your time to the point you're not able to do so.

 

4. "But I feel guilty for not going through the emotions everyone said I would when we ended."

 

I feel guilty for not winning the lottery every week when all my friends tell me they're waiting for me to pay off their houses and cars. What can I say?

 

5. "What does this mean?"

 

It means you feel guilty. Go get drunk and then you'll feel drunk.

 

Guilty must be your favorite bad feeling. I personally would tell my friends to go to hxll and mind their own business and stop trying to tell me how I ought to feel about things.

 

Your friends must be really bored with life. The next time they tell you you should be feeling sad, tell them to go feel like a person who doesn't go around telling other people how they should feel.

 

Plain and simple!

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