blindsidedheartbreak Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I dont even know where to begin, and if this becomes long I apologize. Friday night my boyfriend of 9 wonderful months up and dumps me. We never had any problems, never argued-nothing. We were extremly happy, or so I thought. Friday night, he tells me that he only views me as a friend and that he has felt this way for 3 weeks now. On Monday we get into our first misunderstanding, I had told him that I was going to go ahead and move back to my house(I was living with him, because my sister and her kids needed a place to stay for a few weeks till she got her apartment)because my sister was moving out. He freaked out and thought I was up and leaving him-which I explained that I could not afford to live at 2 places. He then explained to me that he would miss me and that he would be lonely with me not being there. Wednesday night we talk about getting married. Then on Friday he blindsides me by saying that he only views me as a friend. Im still in so much shock that I really dont know what to do or even think. I feel like he used me for the past 3 wks, the more I think about it the more embarassed I feel. Of course he had no objection to me watching his 2 children for the past 3wks and also letting me buy him groceries the week before-I could have bought groceries for my own house and for my own child. One minute i get so angry thinking about it that i want revenge, then the next minute I will get so emotional that I just break down and get extremely sad and wish that he was here. I dont know how to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
iwanttolive Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Hi there.. I'm sorry you got to go thru this.. That was very strange. Will it be possible for you to have a face-to-face talk with him? I feel he owes you an explanation.. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 lady, he's using you to no end. I'd just move on and not look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindsidedheartbreak Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 Hi there.. I'm sorry you got to go thru this.. That was very strange. Will it be possible for you to have a face-to-face talk with him? I feel he owes you an explanation.. hello! I did talk to him saturday and did tell him that I dont give people second chances and that I do know that when 2 people are in a relationship and are I guess having problems they communicate as a couple and work things out. Then he said well the spark isnt there anymore. I said well not all the time the spark is going to be in a relationship-no matter how great it is, but because he never gave us that chance to work things out-(i told him) its something you will probably think about for a long while because I have lost all respect for you and will probably not ever forgive you... Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 hello! I did talk to him saturday and did tell him that I dont give people second chances and that I do know that when 2 people are in a relationship and are I guess having problems they communicate as a couple and work things out. I used to think this way. NO second chances that once you're dumped or dumping someone that's it. I also believed that if two people loved each other they would be able to communicate and work through it, I still believe that today on some level BUT I do believe in second chances and my black and white thinking is wavering a little bit as I continue to read about experiences and life. Some people are runners. They may say they lose the spark and what not and they come crawling back because they're so lonely, or they want to have sex, but sometimes there's a genuine desire to make things work and you can only realize this with a little time away. Sometimes we don't know how to communicate, sometimes we do what we only know to do and what is easy. Sometimes we just don't know how else to deal with things and like anything else in life we need someone to show us how, we need to learn, and we need a second chance. We need an opportunity especially from someone that loves you and that can believe in you and show support and I think this applies even in second chances at relationships. There are some exceptions like cheating however. But if the relationship was good and communication just wasn't there or you guys didn't communicate well together that is something that can be worked on if the love is there and everything else is hitting. Life isn't black and white. It's a huge grey area and forgiveness and understanding is allowing yourself to accept the grey areas. Regardless he said he lost the spark. Sometimes that's true, sometimes it isn't. There's a reason buried behind that. I said the same thing to my ex but what I should really have said is that we don't communicate well and it's killing our connection. Clearly if I'm not telling her what I'm really thinking then my communication is poor. He could be doing the same. -Just Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindsidedheartbreak Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 lady, he's using you to no end. I'd just move on and not look back. Yeah, I pretty much figured that out. Though I had the closure with him on Saturday, It's the closure with myself that is making it hard to move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
iwanttolive Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Then he said well the spark isnt there anymore. I said well not all the time the spark is going to be in a relationship-no matter how great it is, but because he never gave us that chance to work things out-(i told him) You know.. a break-up is especially painful if your ex-partner does not know what r/s is all about. He/she just assumes you are not the right one if there's communication breakdown or if there's no sparks or if you don't meet his expectation. The truth is all r/s will have these problems to a certain degree. But your partner (ex) just determines to end things and throw all the love down the drain. Something i'm going thru now. Im missing his hugs and kisses, yet I can't do anything, except picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindsidedheartbreak Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 You know.. a break-up is especially painful if your ex-partner does not know what r/s is all about. He/she just assumes you are not the right one if there's communication breakdown or if there's no sparks or if you don't meet his expectation. The truth is all r/s will have these problems to a certain degree. But your partner (ex) just determines to end things and throw all the love down the drain. Something i'm going thru now. Im missing his hugs and kisses, yet I can't do anything, except picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. When him and I got together, we talked about why our last relationships ended. (His was, his ex wife of 7+yrs cheated on him and basically mentally abused him-major control freak...Mine was, he was in the military and was getting ready to get shipped off- I just couldnt handle that) We had an agreement that if something is bother us that we need to talk about it right then and not let it get so blown up that we dont know how to deal with it. So we always had the communication from the get go. I do however believe that the whole "friend thing" is not the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindsidedheartbreak Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 I used to think this way. NO second chances that once you're dumped or dumping someone that's it. I also believed that if two people loved each other they would be able to communicate and work through it, I still believe that today on some level BUT I do believe in second chances and my black and white thinking is wavering a little bit as I continue to read about experiences and life. Some people are runners. They may say they lose the spark and what not and they come crawling back because they're so lonely, or they want to have sex, but sometimes there's a genuine desire to make things work and you can only realize this with a little time away. Sometimes we don't know how to communicate, sometimes we do what we only know to do and what is easy. Sometimes we just don't know how else to deal with things and like anything else in life we need someone to show us how, we need to learn, and we need a second chance. We need an opportunity especially from someone that loves you and that can believe in you and show support and I think this applies even in second chances at relationships. There are some exceptions like cheating however. But if the relationship was good and communication just wasn't there or you guys didn't communicate well together that is something that can be worked on if the love is there and everything else is hitting. Life isn't black and white. It's a huge grey area and forgiveness and understanding is allowing yourself to accept the grey areas. Regardless he said he lost the spark. Sometimes that's true, sometimes it isn't. There's a reason buried behind that. I said the same thing to my ex but what I should really have said is that we don't communicate well and it's killing our connection. Clearly if I'm not telling her what I'm really thinking then my communication is poor. He could be doing the same. -Just That was an excellent post!! We did have the communication down-we talked about everything, except the part that he only views me as a friend. However I do believe that is not the real truth. Link to post Share on other sites
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