Far Behind Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 I came so close to emailing today to say that this was not exactly how I imagined my birthday weekend to be, but then I realized why should I give HIM the satisfaction of knowing I am not having fun? So I didn't send it, but yet I can't stop thinking about him again today. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in over 6 weeks, and most of the time I'm fine, but I guess because of plans we had discussed that will never happen, I'm sad today. Plus turning 50 in and of itself is...well I don't know what it is, but it's something. I told a guy in a bar last night that I was 38 and he had no problem accepting that, lol. I just think this weekend is turning out to be so anticlimactic, but I will not let on through random email or even putting anything on myspace to indicate that I'm not having a ball. Is that just dumb? Link to post Share on other sites
Prosecco Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Mmm - Much sympathy from me - I was dumped exactly a week before my birthday. Fortunately a friend stepped in to take me out to dinner instead, or I'd have been utterly wallowing in misery. Anything special you can treat yourself with? Or anywhere you'd like to go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Far Behind Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Yes, I actually have plans with my parents and my kids tonight and tomorrow night, which is my actual b'day. At one time, he and I had talked about spending my my b'day either in Las Vegas or New York. Since it's really a milestone birthday, we were going to do it up right, and I had even thought about a tattoo at one point, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Part of me wants to and then again I'm scared of the pain, though I've heard it's not really all that bad. I'd probably do it on my back, since I'm a teacher and wouldn't want it somewhere visible all the time. As I write this, I am realizing how much I do NOT need him to make my happiness for me, and if I want to get a tattoo, it is not about him, it's all about ME. I'm so glad I didn't send the email, because let him wonder if I'm partying or having fun; he doesn't need to know I"m out with my parents, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Prosecco Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Since it's a milestone birthday - perhaps being with your parents is a good thing. I know I don't tell/show mine that I appreciate them enough - and spending special occasions with me DO make mine overly pleased... similar for yours? Maybe appreciate the chance you've got to show those family and friends who'll always love you, no matter what, that you love them too. Seriously - perhaps this birthday marks the beginning of an era when you put him behind you, and move on to better things and better people. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Ahhh...glad you were strong and stopped. Maybe wisdom does come with age, eh? That's something to be very thankful for. It's hard when memories of the two of you...of things past or planned blindside you. The stupidest things can do it too...being rear-ended by someone in the same make, model, and color car he drives (happened to me Thursday!), hearing the year you joked about finally being able to be forever after all of life's current loose ends were tied up (2010 in my case), and of course the obvious...movies, music, and his name. It's everywhere. And all you can do is pretty much what you did. Accept that it hurts but is different now, and keep moving past it. Maybe even eventually laugh or smile fondly. Look forward to the point where this won't be happening quite as much anymore. Have a wonderful birthday!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Far Behind Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 Just got home and found an email from him...he says he realizes he may have run off the best thing that happened to him in a long time, maybe ever, and there is nothing for him here so he is going to take off next week some time. Wow...so I wrote him back and asked can we see each other before you go, and said sounds like we've been living identical hells. I also tried to call him but his phone is off, so he may have gone to bed, as he hasn't read the email yet, either. Now i'm freaking out. I hope I hear from him in the morning. I'm so glad I didn't send the email earlier tonight that I started to. Link to post Share on other sites
Prosecco Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Be careful. Hope is a dreadful thing - disappointment crushes worse than original heart break. *crosses fingers for you* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Far Behind Posted March 20, 2008 Author Share Posted March 20, 2008 After lots of email and a phone conversation on Sunday, we went out on Monday and agreed to start again, NEW, not picking up from behind. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop or walking on eggshells and I hate that. I just keep trying to breathe and telling myself I was fine prior to him coming back, and I will be fine with him or without him in my life. We said we need to go slow, so I think it could be OK. But I'm sooooooo scared of being hurt again. Link to post Share on other sites
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