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Keeping myself from moving on..Mistake after Mistake


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Sadcakesleo

Hey everybody,I am really down again right now and I only have myself to thank. To brief everybody real quick

 

my ex broke up with me for real a few days ago. She's 21 and I'm 23 and we live together. We plan on staying

 

at the apartment untill our lease expires in july. Its really hard for me. This morning I woke up because I had

 

yet another bad dream, So I went to the bedroom and tried to hold her,She told me not to and I said why and

 

she said she doesn't want to give me false hope. I then asked her, so theres no chance for us to work it out

 

and she said I don't think so this time. I said why. She said that part of her wants to be with me and the other

 

wants to do her own thing. She said she wanted to have a balanced relationship but she says that I couldn't

 

handle that because I always got mad or would make a stupid comment accusing her of cheating.she didn't

 

want to feel guilty when she went out or have to check in. I said I can change just give me a chance and she

 

says that I wont change. I'm really hurting inside and I feel like I have a million things to say to her but can't

 

say because its already been said. I keep torturing myself thinking there is hope when all I do is get hurt. I'm

 

tired of feeling this way yet I keep coming back for more. I don't know what to do, I've tried everything, going

 

out, being strong, being nice, nothing seems to help me get over the way I feel. I called in sick to work today

 

just because I can't deal. Shes in the bedroom sleeping right now and its like I want to get away but yet I

 

want to stay. My parents are leaving out of town today untill sunday. They live 5 min away, so I am going to

 

watch the house and the dogs. Should I tell her that I am going to be gone. I don't want her to think I am

 

seeing someone else because she already thinks that and I don't want to make the situation worse.

 

I don't know what I am doing everybody and its driving me crazy and hurting real bad, any advice or support right now would really help me out.

Edited by Sadcakesleo
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dude honest she sounds cruel. it sounds like she dont even care for your feelings. i do feel for ya and her in a way for her. because even tho it sounds cruel she maybe realises cruel to be kind.

 

if she does not want you i suggest you try move out because it will get worse. you need to get away from under each others feet for a while. give her time for it to sink in and see of thats what she really wants.

 

i no you maybe wont take this advice because when your in love it is so hard to do the right thing. i think you should tell her you love her and you are going to leave to give her time and see how she feels.

 

dude serious try keep your pride it is out of your hands and if you beg you will regret it. pray to god you get the strength to do the right thing mate i will keep ya in me prayers

Edited by route1
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Sadcakesleo

I can't stop making bonehead mistakes. She just got home from eating out for lunch and she asks me to hold her for the last time today. I told her that I have to go to the gym and she says she doesn't want to be alone and to go later. Like a dumb**** I hold her for awhile. Anyways a little later my friend texts me asking to play poker at his house and she freaks out.

 

she also finds out im going to be at my parents this weekend and says that I'm going to do stuff with this girl or that girl. She thinks I am seeing someone else. Probably because she is. I tell her to stop doing what she is doing because it makes me think she cares and in turn makes me think there is hope. She doesn't listen and immediately gets on the phone and calls someone and then heads out the door.

 

damn this sucks, WHat THE HELL DO I DO? i want her to stop this because it hurts but then when I put my foot down it seems to make things worse. I dont want her to fill justified in what shes doing just because of what Im doing.

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You can't control her actions- you can only control your own.

 

It doesn't matter what you do- if you beg, she'll withdraw, if you do your own thing, she gets mad. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She's playing games right now, whether she means to or not.

 

I'd def go to your parents this weekend. It doesn't matter what you do, she manages to make you feel guilty for it- yet she is the one not willing to work things out.

 

The way I see it, you have no choice but to withdraw from her and live your own life. If you could move back home- I'd do that because things won't get better.

 

Why put yourself through more pain if you have a place to go and stay. Who knows, maybe your absence might smarten her up.

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This is an EXTREMELY unhealthy situation. I saw more red flags than a..I don't know..red-flag-a-thon. lol. If you wanted to get out of the line of gunfire would you continue to stand in the war path? That is simply all you're doing. Right now you're unhealthily consumed by her needs and you need clarity. You two are no longer together time to think about YOU. what YOU need to heal,cope,accept and ultimately move on.

 

Agreed that intentionally or not..she is playing severely depravating games with you. Very childish and bad for you both. GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION. PERIOD.

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Sadcakesleo

I tried to listen to the advice given to me. I went out with my friends then went straight over to my parents. Around midnight she called the house and she said she was scared and the dogs miss me and she really needs me to come check up on her.

 

I was holding my ground on the phone for about an hour, saying that I shouldn't and its just going to make things worse for me. she then started crying and saying that how come after over 3 years I couldn't be there when she needed when she was there when I needed her. She says that she wishes she was seeing somebody else so she can get over me. Anyways for awhile I held my ground. Believe me it was tough and a mini breakthrough for me. We got off the phone and a few min later guess what I did? Went back to my place to check up on them. She was crying pretty hard, the most I've seen her cry and she held me so tight and wouldn't let go. It felt so good yet I knew that it was so bad. we held each other for like an hour and even fooled around a little bit.She wanted me to stay. She calmed down and I went back to my parents.

 

I know I'm stupid, I don't know what I was thinking. I went over to my parents to get away from her but obviously did not do a very good job. I can't help some of the things I do. I know its wrong but I love this girl and I know I shouldn't. I still have today and tommorow at least to stay at my parents I NEED to not talk to her. So please everybody, yell at me or yell at me some more so I can stay away from her.

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No yelling at you here ;) Very hard situation to be in when you still love someone who left you. Not sure how I would react in your situation if my ex did that for me. But I can answer the question she asked you for you...

 

"she then started crying and saying that how come after over 3 years I couldn't be there when she needed when she was there when I needed her"

 

Because she chose to break up with you. SHE chose that, not you. For the past three years, you were there because she chose to make you a part of her life. When she chose to leave; she lost the right to have you "there for her" anytime she wanted, at least for the present until you can heal.

 

Tell her if she is willing to try again, to work on your relationship, and to communicate with you (if this is what you truly want) that you will do the same, and will continue to be "there for her" If not; you cannot be "there for her" at least for the near future. Like you said, to do so sacrifices YOUR needs and hurts YOU more. In a relationship, it is permissible and even healthy to, on occasion, sacrifice what you want for the wants of the person you are with ... but after a breakup that was her choice? Time to look out for your needs alone.

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