NC with X's family and friends?

[T L]

Hi everyone , I need some advice regarding no contact, or more to the point contact with friends, relations and acqaintances of the X.

 

My wife left me four months ago, she was having an affair with a work collegue.

 

Since the separation we have had very limited contact, just through e-mail to arrange the finances etc. All those arrangements will be completed soon and I plan on never having contact with my W again.

 

We do not have any children so have no need to remain in each others lives in the future

 

Throughout the separation I have made no effort to find out what my W is up to and with whom, I have actively avoided finding out, to the extent of avoiding people who know her. I feel the limited contact has really helped, it would be very easy for me to find out what is going on in her life but I think it would make my pain a lot worse.

 

My question.......if I bump in to a person who remains in the X's life how do I deal with it? Is it unhealthy to avoid them? If I do talk to them should I be upfront and ask them not to mention the X or should I be ok to talk about it? Im just worried it will make me feel even more cr*ppy if I hear anything about her at the moment.

[BrianG]

My advice is to know the least about her as possible. If you run into a friend/family member of the x I would not go out of your way to avoid them, but if a conversation happens to come about, be polite but very vague on what is going on in your life and dont inquire anything about her life. If they bring up your ex, politely tell them that you dont want to talk about them. Simple as that and they should respect your wishes.

[s_n_d]

I still talk to my exs friends and he still talks to my friends so I think its alright talking to the exs family and friends, as long as the ex doesnt come up in the convo. Do NOT talk about your ex with your exs friends and family and if they talk about your ex, tell them you dont want to talk about it.