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This is what happened the last time I broke 15 day NC

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142704/

 

 

Anyways, as soon as I woke up this morning I have had this huge impulse to break 11 day NC and send her a text that reads "I hope everything has been okay with you. At times i wonder how things r going with your new job. Please don't hate me ________ .If I could go back in time and do things diff in the end I would. Take care.." It is really bad. I feel like I need to do this. It feels almost like I would assume a drug addiction would feel. As soon as I start thinking about sending this text, my heart starts pounding and I can't think of anything else. I am so stuck on sending this. I feel like if I start communicating w her in a more civilized manner (vs. crying and begging) maybe she can see me in a different light as the man that I once was. Please any support is welcomed. I can't stop myself from doing this. I,m fighting it off as we speak...but I don't know how long I can hold off.

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Richard,

 

Man you must stop all contact and stop it now, not for her but for you. Imagine yourself in her position, if she contacted you you would want her to leave you alone, moreover you would slowly become contemptuous of her if she kept hassling you (and sadly thats how it will come across). Let it go Richard, leave her to whatever life she has and concentrate on yourself. A common theme but no contact will work for you. On the 'coping' forum there is a guy called 'No Foolin' (correct spelling). Read what he has to say about no contact, it WILL help you, man it helped me through some very very bad spots and every day for me is better then the last.

 

Good luck, stay strong and don't waste one second of your precious life on someone who doesn't care about you (and despite what she might say, she doesn't).

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I feel like if I start communicating w her in a more civilized manner (vs. crying and begging) maybe she can see me in a different light as the man that I once was.

 

 

She'll start seeing you in a different light if you leave her alone as she requested. All this text will do is annoy her and make her feel like you are harassing her.

 

If you want her to have some respect for you...then LISTEN to her and let her be. No matter what you say you can't fix it....all you can do is make it worse.

 

All you are doing is negotiating with yourself thinking this one text will make it better when deep down inside...you know it won't. You've done this many times now.

 

I'm sorry if this comes off harsh...you sound like a decent person that is really hurt. But you have to bear in mind...it's your pain now. Your ex has made it clear to you that she wants nothing to do with you....and if you really care for her...you would leave her be.

 

We've all been through it....I still go through it sometimes.

 

Stay strong dude

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Richard, throw your phone away !!! Right now !! Put it in the toilet. Buy another phone in a few days. The $ you spend on a new phone will be WORTH IT. Get rid of all temptation.

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Very sorry for your pain and confusion Richard, but you need to realize how bad that text would be for you! Don't mean to kick you when you are down, but the message will mean less than nothing to her and will only lead to further urges to contact her with your next invention.

 

Serendip and JB know what they are talking about - I am following their advice to the letter and have read [No Foolin]'s stuff about 10 times over the last 2 days. My story is less severe than yours at the moment (Just moved out yesterday/will see her but probably only have to say hello at her daughter's event tomorrow/will see her when I move the rest of my things out in two weeks), but during the painful move yesterday, I kept things about me and had their printed words singing through my brain. My ex tried to stir up the anger pot and hit me with some Shame-n-blame on my way out and I just responded with kindness and indifference (Thanks a million [No Foolin]).

 

I hope you decide (or should I say accept) that feelings of trying to win back her respect/affection are not where you should be heading right now. The only respect you have a chance of saving now is that which you have for yourself and future partners. It's the most horrible irony known to mankind - the person that you want back will only truly respect you if you wholeheartedly and completely let them out of your life!

 

If you absolutely need some sort of "get back" on her, at least do it in the form of making yourself more attractive/healthy/successful and ending up with someone better than her. Although I am not interested in getting back at or with my current ex, I am hitting all three of these areas real hard right now and it is helping me through the pain of losing her and her daughter a LOT!

 

Get better,

 

DFree

Edited by dfreeman
mistake
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She'll start seeing you in a different light if you leave her alone as she requested. All this text will do is annoy her and make her feel like you are harassing her.

 

If you want her to have some respect for you...then LISTEN to her and let her be. No matter what you say you can't fix it....all you can do is make it worse.

 

All you are doing is negotiating with yourself thinking this one text will make it better when deep down inside...you know it won't. You've done this many times now.

 

I'm sorry if this comes off harsh...you sound like a decent person that is really hurt. But you have to bear in mind...it's your pain now. Your ex has made it clear to you that she wants nothing to do with you....and if you really care for her...you would leave her be.

 

We've all been through it....I still go through it sometimes.

 

Stay strong dude

 

Thanksssss.

Your advice just got to me(in a good way).

Thank you, Thank you.

:D

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Well I haven't texted her even though it was extremely hard to stop myself in the heat of the moment. I just feel that the more time that we don't talk, the easier it will be for her to pretend that nothing happened between us. Either way she obviously doesn't care and has done this already by moving on and ignoring me. I'm not from a small town or anything like that but I'm just so terrified that I'm going to run into her somewhere and she is going to be with some new guy. Now I have no indication that she is dating already but anything is possible. I would seriously die if I where to see that. I guess thats why I really feel pressured in a way to meet someone so I wouldn't feel as bad in the event that this where to happen. Unfortunately, I don't feel ready yet to date or even meet someone new. My self esteem has been shattered and Im barely trying to get back on my feet. I went out to a bar last night and I didn't find any of the girls there attractive because I'm still not over my ex. This whole thing is so depressing and frustrating and I feel like Im walking around with a 100 pound weight on my back lately. Every fu**ing day is a struggle and I'm getting so tired of it. I'm tired of talking about it and I'm tired of the hurt. Most importantly I'm tired of remembering how f**ked up she was to me at the end and asking myself why. It feels like a knife through my heart every time I remember how she treated me like dirt.

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That sick feeling in your stomach when you think of your ex with someone else is one of the ugliest sensations I have ever had in my life - it truly sucks bung!

 

I don't have any reason to think that about my current ex, but I have at least conceded that she is likely to start again before I do (the first few months with her is pretty damn hot). What keeps me going and looking forward to my life without her in my head, is that while I may not find love again before she does, I will definitely find it faster than the version of me that is chasing/pining over her beeyotch ass!

 

My NC just started yesterday (and I have to be in the same auditorium as her tomorrow night), but the encouragement on here sure helped me through the last few days of forced contact I had with her before yesterday's move.

 

I am in no less pain than anybody in the same situation, but my attitude about solid NC sure has done a 180 since I found this forum. During my last week of living with with her, I wiped-out 6 things that would have given me a reason to see her after the move...all due to reading this forum. While this doesn't count as NC, I definitely get an A+ in planning for reduced contact. :p

 

I hope you can feel how hard everybody on here is rooting for you to let her go - start to visualize it actually happening and it truly can!

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I feel your pain, honestly I do. Your devestated, crushed, self-esteem shot... I'll tell something that has have helped me thru this NC (it's 8 days today). SHE IS NOT YOUR SOURCE OF LIFE!!! I repeat that to myself throughout the day. That's a huge realization for me anyway. My self-esteem and self-worth was zero, until I came to that conclusion; he is not my life line nor is he my source of life. You quote psalms, so u must know your source of life comes from God. Who you are has not changed because she no longer values you. That's her opinion. Keep pressing on! Don't give up. Gather yourself, your strength and get back out there. You may not have sparked anything with a girl when you were out at the bar the other night, but try again. Doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship, but it's nice to talk to someone of the oppisite sex and have a conversation with someone, other than yourself. Press on, you can do it. Don't give up because she hasn't called. Your purpose in life doesn't cease to exist because someone walked away from you. You have something to offer someone that nobody else can give. Whether it be your smile, your time, your positive energy (which will come back) and your heart. Press on. I have a great quote for you from the famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. He build many beautiful buildings, homes and magnificent structures. Toward the end of his career, a reporter asked him, "Of your many beautiful designs, which one is your favorite?" Without missing a beat, Frank Lloyd Wright answered, "My next one." Richard, there is more for you...KEEP PRESSING FORWARD!!!!

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Ask yourself: am I telling her anything in this text she doesn't already know? And if you think you've told her that thing even one time before, then you don't need to tell her again. That's what I do when I want to contact my ex -- I think of everything I want to say and it always turns out I've said it before. Sometimes it helps to be this concrete about it.

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Richard I will tell you this...from a woman..if you continue contacting your ex, she will not only be ANNOYED with you, she will PROBABLY change her number. Is this what you want her to resort to?? She will FOREVER remember you as 'that guy who wouldn't leave me alone and go away".

If you think it's bad now...keep pushing your luck.

 

I am ONLY telling you this because I know you are in pain..but from what you've said..she has been MORE than clear where she stands. She has not been giving you mixed signals.She has been as brutally honest with you as she can.YOU are still hoping the right words will change her mind. Trust me. They won't. She has made up her mind.

 

I think you seriously need to ask yourself why her rejection sparks

so much fire in you. If someone was this blunt and nasty to me about contacting them..just my pride alone would never allow me to

bother with them again. So this is an issue within YOU that you need to

deal with. getting her back is NOT the key here.

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Well I didn't end up texting her so I survived another day of NC. I now completely understand when people say 'take things a day at a time' because each day is a challenge in itself. Playbrat you are right. she has been brutally honest with me and you know what, thats the part that hurts the most. I'll never forget the night when I was crying to her and telling her why she was being so cold to me and she answered me 'thats life.' I'll never forget that. Thats not life..that was all her. Not all people in life are that cold hearted. I guess something inside me doesn't want to accept that the person I l_v_d could be that messed up to me. I wanted to believe that she still had a heart and that the year that we spent together meant something to her. So much so that maybe she would take into account everything that we had been through and everything that we had done and treat me accordingly. We'll its all starting to sink in now that I meant sh*t to her. My heart doesn't want to believe that she could be so callous with me but I guess its all starting to set in.

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I was in a relationship once and I told him the same thing, "well that's life". So, let me tell you what I do know from a cold hearted girl's point of view. She doesn't know how to love. She may never know how to love. That is her curse. It will take a hard lesson for her to change (if ever). I'd feel sorry for her. To not be able to fully love is so sad. I've been fortunate enough to have learned, but it was hard work and very very painful. But I welcome the pain, because it was a gift to get my new heart. I hope you the best. You deserve to be with a girl who knows how to love, trust me this was a blessing. Be gratefull instead of sad, or at least try to be during this hard time.

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I hate it when I think about it but even since the beginning when we were dating, she told me that she was afraid that she was getting feelings for me and that maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. Well that was when we were just starting to see each other and I really didn't have any emotional attachments to her so I just said ok and didn't plan on calling her back. God if only I would've known how she would leave me in the futute. Two day later she texted me that she was sorry that she pushed me away and that she didn't want me to leave. Well the girl has always had a problem being attached to someone and I always told her that too. But the thing that hurts so much is that we went through so much. There was two more occasions after that of her wanting to leave during the relationship for no reason and then coming back a few days later realizing that she was just fighting herself and that she was leaving because her feelings that she was experiencing were foriegn to her. I truly l_v_d her and I did everything in my power to show her what l_ve was and how she didn't have to be afraid of it. I feel like I failed because this last time when she wanted time, I couldn't just let go like I always had and let her come back on her own. Instead I had vested to many feelings by this point and it hurt to much to be without her so I persued her which in turn pushed her away. I took her back 3 times because I truly l_v_d her. Everytime she came back she told me the same thing. "I'm sorry I left, I promise I will never leave you again and I'm just afraid that I found the person I want to be with at such a young age. For now on we will stick it out through thick and thin." I hurts me deeply (actually i would say it breaks my heart but I don't have one anymore) that I forgave her time and time again and despite the fact that everytime she left I took her back with open arms, she completely treats me like trash this last time like I never meant anything. Everything that happended in the end still really hurts and . SERENDIP posted something that made me think and also hurt deeply all at the same time. The post said "its your pain now". It really is so unfair because i treated her so kindly and forgiving all the times she left and yet she completely turns my life upside down and leaves me hurt and alone to pick up all of the pieces. But f*ck fairness, there is no fairness. Now i feel cursed that I have to carry my pain with me alone. Its a constant reminder of how f**ked up things are and how being the best person you can be with someone means sh*t. I really wish that I could just turn into this emotionless man that feels nothing anymore. Sometimes I think I'm headed that way. I wish the pain would just go away. I want to just learn my lesson from this last relationship and never love again..I never want to show the side of me that was good. I want to abandon that side of me forever.

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CalamitousJane
Its a constant reminder of how f**ked up things are and how being the best person you can be with someone means sh*t
Actually Richard, what it means is that there's a very. very lucky woman out there waiting for you.
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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=Foolin

 

some classic and tremendously truthful lines, including:

 

"You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this."

 

"Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come."

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SERENDIP posted something that made me think and also hurt deeply all at the same time. The post said "its your pain now".

 

 

Dude,

 

If you can get through this...all the crap a terrible break up can do to you...and still come out of it ....without bitterness...then you will become a better person.

 

If you can laugh in the face of despair and still have love in your heart...then you will never be alone.

 

If the relationship gods use you for their amusement...and you still can say "do your worst...I will be fine"....then you are golden

 

Just do whatever you have to do to get through the darkness without destroying your sense of self...you will be good

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Well I didn't end up texting her so I survived another day of NC. I now completely understand when people say 'take things a day at a time' because each day is a challenge in itself. Playbrat you are right. she has been brutally honest with me and you know what, thats the part that hurts the most. I'll never forget the night when I was crying to her and telling her why she was being so cold to me and she answered me 'thats life.' I'll never forget that. Thats not life..that was all her. Not all people in life are that cold hearted. I guess something inside me doesn't want to accept that the person I l_v_d could be that messed up to me. I wanted to believe that she still had a heart and that the year that we spent together meant something to her. So much so that maybe she would take into account everything that we had been through and everything that we had done and treat me accordingly. We'll its all starting to sink in now that I meant sh*t to her. My heart doesn't want to believe that she could be so callous with me but I guess its all starting to set in.

 

 

Richard, I know how you feel. Just yesterday, I burst into tears because I could not fanthom the fact that my Ex was treating me like someone who never existed. I felt so small, so irrelevant. I felt like I had wasted my time. I felt hurt and betrayed. I felt so very insignificant.

 

You are coping not only with the pain of the breakup, but with the way she rejected you. I probably have mentioned this before but I know how deep the pain feels. I totally understand. Her behaviour to you is unfathomable..You simply cannot understand why she treats you with such abandon..How she can be so cold...the list goes on.

 

Richard, the only way you can get through this is by taking it a day at a time. You are going to feel the urge to contact her..sooner or later....anytime that desperate need comes, the urges that seem uncontrollable...Stop for a moment and think...' She knows how much she has hurt me. She knows exactly how I feel about her; sending this text will make no difference..the only only impact it could have is adverse..i.e her hating me/getting irritated by my actions'.

 

Give it some time. Please trust me on this one. Time can do anything at all..Time will heal you although it would be very gradual...and time would allow her see the good in you. Believe it or not.....There was this guy I could not stand. He bugged me for so long. He finally let go and after a year or so we speak now. He seems brand new ..although I have no romantic feelings for him.

 

You have done all you possibly can for this Ex of yours. You need to ACCEPT that she is callous and she does not care less what you do. You need to ACCEPT that.ACCEPT she betrayed you..Accept she is behaving this way to you for no reason other than the fact that she does not care.

Acceptance will come with time as well. It is very normal for you to still ponder and wonder how things got so bad..However with time, step by step, day by day..you will grow to accept that truly..'such is life'. Such is life in that some people look foward and never turn back. It is very very sad..but such is life. It hurts so much I know.

 

As for her finding someone else..it is inevitable. Today I was looking at some pictures of brad and angelina...I felt for Jen Anniston all the way here in UK.

 

Anyway, take it day by day ok? Keep posting.

 

I have a class now so gotta run.

 

xxx

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Dude,

 

If you can get through this...all the crap a terrible break up can do to you...and still come out of it ....without bitterness...then you will become a better person.

 

If you can laugh in the face of despair and still have love in your heart...then you will never be alone.

 

If the relationship gods use you for their amusement...and you still can say "do your worst...I will be fine"....then you are golden

 

Just do whatever you have to do to get through the darkness without destroying your sense of self...you will be good

 

Richard,

 

I just had to bump this so you would be forced to read it twice...

 

As you read it a second time, notice that it doesn't even mention the ex - it's all YOU now and your sense of self is on the line.

 

I made the mistake of letting my current ex take away my sense of self during our relationship, and (with the help of LS) I am not going to let her stop me from getting it back during our breakup.

 

Use this forum - post until your fingers fall off and pay special attention to quotes like the one above. I still cry a little and miss my ex and her daughter a LOT, but I am doing it without bitterness and trying to see through the darkness.

 

Hang in there and your story will soon be an inspiration to others that are stuck on the dark side.

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Well I got past day 13 of NC. It was strange because I started taking a week long business seminar and as I was leaving and walking to my car, I felt like picking up the phone and calling her. In the past when I would take these kind of courses, I would always call her on my breaks or when the class was over for the day and tell her how things went. The seminar was also being held at the same place where I took it when I was still with her. It started hurting when I thought to myself how much things have changed. Going from having someone to call that wanted to know all the details in my of my day and would tell me that she missed me to the same person hanging up on me and telling me never to call her again. It hit me pretty hard. I had to take a real deep breath and keep myself together from breaking down. The other part that also always seems to be hard is when 11pm rolls around. We would always call each other around this time when our days were starting to unwind right before going to sleep. I know her whole "getting ready for bed routine" and I can imagine her doing all of that. Why cant she just pick up the phone and call me. Sometimes I think to myself "I should call her because it really hurts to be apart eachother and I'm sure she feels the same way. But then reality hits me in the face and I realize that the only person that hurts is me, not her. If she was hurting she could send me a text give me a call. The only person heartbroken here is me. If she would've felt that she needed me in her life as the way I feel for her, she would've never told me to never contact her again. If she truly missed me, I wouldn't be here spilling my guts to my stupid computer!!

Edited by richardcruz
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Richard - I'm really sorry you are hurting so much. Big hugs to you all the way from me here in Australia!! I really do know how you feel, I was very much in love with someone who broke it off. We would always speak to each other around 3 AM (odd time I know - both night owls!) and for ages after the break up I would set my alarm for 2:45 just in case. :( I never thought I would get over it but I did. And I found someone who I wouldn't want to part with for anything. I hope the same happens for you.

 

Big hugs again! :)

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I came home and I took a quick night right after work. I was pretty beat and didn't get much sleep the night before. Anyways as soon as I wake up, I feel like i've just been recesitated from death. Im breathing really hard and my heart is beating really quick. I spring up in my bed and grab my cellphone off the floor. I look at the time. I'm still disoriented from my sleep. All I can think about is her. This intense rush of feelings and memories overwhelms me. "She's slipping away" i think to myself. I have to do something. I create a new text message with no contact specified. "I miss you so much" I type. I look at it for a few seconds and erase it. "i miss you" I type; a little shorter with less emotion. I think to myself that maybe if I send this text, old feelings will come rushing back to her and maybe, not today, but maybe in a few days she'll text me "what are you doing." Maybe she hasn't text me because she feels bad of the way she treated me so she'd rather just walk away from it and not look back. maybe I can bring her back with that text. But as i even start to think about punching in her number..I stop. I don't know why I stop. I'ts better to know than to not to know right? At least if I send the message, there is that chance that those feelings might come back. But even though I think to myself that I should send it..I still stop. I delete the message and put my phone down and I start to cry. If she really wanted to talk to me she would call me. If she was really sorry for treating me badly, for hanging up on me and for saying "I was a mistake,"if she was sorry for all of this she would apologize. If she missed me, she would text me so.It hurts realizing that the person that I once l_v_d has left me hurt me so much and has left me alone with a broken heart.

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i wake up - unusually early... this morning it was 6. i am still groggy, but then the blackness, the darkness, the despair, hits me and consumes me instantaneously. I go from pleasant, non-thinking and for the most part non-pain to PAIN.

 

i know how you feel. and of course you can't fall back asleep because now that you're awake your in pain.

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