jennyfur01 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone out there actually had their ex come back to them after trying the NC thing? Also, if you have...how long did it take? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 NC is not about them coming back to you. The point of NC is not to get them back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennyfur01 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 There are two points to NC. One is to move on, and the other is hopes they will miss you and if they actually care they will contact YOU. I've been reading peoples posts. I know I'm not the only one feeling that way. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 The point of NC is you. If they come back, they come back. Sometimes after NC, you don't even want them back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennyfur01 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 And you know what? That's fine. But I'm asking for stories where it worked out that way. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat289 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 NC is so bad for me any my ex.After a week or 2 we feel stronger for each other but I can never trust him since even after missing me and wanting to see me and be with him, he doesnt ask to get back sincerely.Everytime after NC, he wanted to patch-up which he begged just on impulse and then next day stepped back though I didnt ask him what he was upto and didnt bother. After NC I felt more confused and the hope would come back again seeing him in love with me.Trust me the feelings are there but my ex is not worth it,he just cannot make an effort.Stop obsessing over it and realise that sometimes even when they miss us terribly,it doesnt mean they want you. Go for a very long NC,I hope atleast you'll get a life and you wont believe right now but your own beliefs would change with time.After you get habitual of staying away from them you discover what you couldnt even dream.Iam saying this because with time though those cravings to call him are still intense but I realise I cannot feel whole with him if we once got back together.(Like some people here feel sick while having sex with their ex...hurt feelings do change something within us) Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I've had FANTASTIC results with NC. I don't have to see them again and I'm completely over them within 3 months (usually less). In fact, I have never been able to relate to missing someone more than three months after it's over. How can people expend so much energy on something that isn't there? Just don't get how people can emotionally linger over someone for a year or more. Seems so... draining. Link to post Share on other sites
ArtBreaker Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I know, I get so tired of this reply "nc is for YOU" ok, well guess what, I want what is NOT for me. I want what will help them miss me and get them back. Let's do the unhealthy thing and stop worrying about ME for the moment and figure out how to get them back, miss me, or at least hurt as I have. Will NC do this or is there something else? I have done NC for over 3 months and it hasn't helped me at all and in fact makes me miss him more. Sometimes I think this NC is a load of crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I know, I get so tired of this reply "nc is for YOU" ok, well guess what, I want what is NOT for me. I want what will help them miss me and get them back. Let's do the unhealthy thing and stop worrying about ME for the moment and figure out how to get them back, miss me, or at least hurt as I have. Will NC do this or is there something else? I have done NC for over 3 months and it hasn't helped me at all and in fact makes me miss him more. Sometimes I think this NC is a load of crap. Why would you want someone back that doesn't love you enough to stick by you? Why would you want someone who is sleeping with another right now ? Why would you want someone back when you will breakup all over again ? same pain .. double.. Easier to just move on and find someone else.. if they come back in time and the issues are fixed that broke you up then try again... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 YES.. I have had fantastic results with NC... I'm happily married today with a baby on the way.. NC did work..She never came back and I met my wife doing online dating.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117826/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t67781/ Here a couple of threads relating to your OP… The top one directly relates On the second link check out what a poster called A Fly on the Wall posted.. it is the truth… Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I know, I get so tired of this reply "nc is for YOU" ok, well guess what, I want what is NOT for me. I want what will help them miss me and get them back. Let's do the unhealthy thing and stop worrying about ME for the moment and figure out how to get them back, miss me, or at least hurt as I have. Will NC do this or is there something else? I have done NC for over 3 months and it hasn't helped me at all and in fact makes me miss him more. Sometimes I think this NC is a load of crap. So do you think contacting someone who broke up with you (meaning they are telling you they don't want you in their lives anymore) will help to get them back? Link to post Share on other sites
bustertypsy Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone out there actually had their ex come back to them after trying the NC thing? Also, if you have...how long did it take? Jennyfur,I don't think anybody really answered your question.I know you didn't want to hear the NC is not to get them back,it's for you.That wasn't the question you asked.I am sure that there are many people out there that got back thru NC.The only thing is they are not here now to answer.Once back together,they disappear.You may see them back here again,when they need to get over a break up,but you won't see them when they get back together,and rightly so.It's a bit like the people who pray when they are going thru tough times.When times are good,they rarely pray.Same thing,to a degree. So unfortunately the people who should be answering your question are too busy enjoying their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennyfur01 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Thanks you buster Link to post Share on other sites
countingufosagain Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I'm not a serial dater and have had mostly long relationships and I do NC to just get over the relationship, but it does seem to be a catalyst for them to start pursuing you. I think if you use NC, use it for the right reason and work on being happy with yourself. I'm currently where you are and am taking this time to do the things that I have put on hold. She called me today and I just let the phone ring. I also know that she will call me at work from a blocked number just to have me answer. just an fYI, she ended the relationship a week ago. I hope this helps and wish you well however things transpire. I was told a saying once, "Don't let them live in your head rent free". Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 NC has always worked for me, in that it has helped me to move on, in the romantic way. If an ex wants to come back for friendship and we both want friendship, that's also a good result. Link to post Share on other sites
SYRACUSE03 Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Hey jennyfur01...I been doing some heavy thinking about this topic like you and here is just my opinion. There are so many variables and I'll tell you why. Say you and your ex lived with each other and he/she moved out and they went to a friend or relatives house. You are the one left looking at the four walls driving yourself nuts while they are keeping busy in someone else's company and keeping their mind off of the dumpee. Second, if they broke up with you and are in another relationship, they are enjoying that, not sitting around thinking about you or I. Not to say that eventually they wont but not at the moment. Their time is accounted for. I think that NC would have the effect you hope when both parties have equal surroundings and circumstances. Such as if he/she moves out and finds a place on their own. Compare apples to apples. Many NC questions cannot be answered by anyone here. Here's a quick example...my ex g/f left and went to live with her mother. No worries, no rent, no cooking, no mortgage, no responsibilities...see where I'm going with this. If the "dumper" has a good support system, unfortunately, in my eyes, they would have an easier time to "move on". In conclusion, do I want my ex back, yes. Do I want to contact her and talk to her, yes. But as each day goes by, why do I want to pursue someone who keeps rejecting me? She's gone, she's not coming back and what does the purpose of contacting her achieve...nothing right now but maybe down the road, only time will tell. Sorry for the added info and I hope this helps. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
desertguy Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 As to the OP's question, Yes, NC can work to get someone back. It's worked for me once, sort of. One gf, broke up with me, and I wanted to do everything to get her back. She eventually started contacting me, we started hanging out, and she wanted to get back together. I thought long and hard about that, and eventually came to the conclusion that if I did, I would probably have to deal with her over critical and other undesireable behaviors after the relationship was back on. She was of course on her best behavior then, but I doubted it would last. I politely said no, and have no doubt it was the right decision. What everybody else has said is true. NC is for you, not them. Also, I noticed after breaking up, going NC, and then having the chance for reconciliation, things had lost some of their luster the second time. That's what NC is actually supposed to do, to allow you to heal, and for those feelings to eventually fade enough where you can move on and find somebody who is better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat289 Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 So desertguy dont you want her back ever?I guess this same thing would happen to me soon as my ex would be coming here in some weeks just to meet some friends and IF I dont meet him this time It would be good.But he will be here in my city for his job in January and I see both of us gettin back together but I've been so hurt and all those patch-ups and break-up cycles have taken a toll on the trust I had in him.I also feel that like you said, it would just lose the luster this time... but it wont be easy for me without him in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
lexi29 Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 Jenny, my ex left me for another woman- started dating her immediately. I did the no contact thing and he called me after a month and wanted to get back together. I'm sure it helped that his new woman was psycho but he did tell me that he was suprised that I never called him or tried to get in touch. he said the first week after the break up he had fun and didnt miss me but after a week without me and not hearing from me, he missed me. He said by week 4 it was crazy how much he couldn't stop thinking about me. So while the point of my no contact with him wasn't to get him back (the woman he left me for was an ex from 12 years ago that was the "one who got away") and I honestly thought they would get married or something and I never thought I'd talk to him again. He did come back after I ignored him for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
purplegurl Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 hello im new here....but cudnt help reactin to this post. my situation is very similiar to lexi's. Last year in sept my ex left me for another girl he had just known for a week,we wre together for 4 yrs before tht.It was soul crushing for me then. But i did strict NC for 8 months....really worked on my growth as a person.In these 8 months he tried contactin me several times...including drunken calls n tirades about how he still "felt" we were together.but he never left the other girl. Anyways after 8 months of NC he came back all apologetic and repentent.about hw much he missed me in his life and could no longer go on without me. Basically there is no thumb rule to the time it takes...the only thing you can assure from your side is to maintain the dignity of silence...rest is not in your control. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat289 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Oh I regret so much for breaking my 7 days NC.It has really made me clingy.Know what happened, I called him up last to last night ,he was going out with friends so he told me he'll call me up next morning.I SMSed him "call me when you get free.Iam missing you".he didnt call as exected and the next day I didnt want to call him but I wanted to check out if his phone was busy because these days he's been talking to a phone friend for long hours and that pisses me off.He asked me to wait and told me that its just a friend and he would say goodbye to her and then will call me in 5min but I kept waiting for around half n hour.I was really hurt,I was crying,praying to God and just wanted one thing that he may have moved on in a week a bit but I still wished if we talked just like before.I wanted to feel that nothing had happened and everything was the same as it was some days ago.I was shaken to see that the guy who still loved my after our break-up was now getting involved with someone emotionally and also I was proved wrong since I always felt that there cant be any oth er girl who can make him laugh like I can and he just never got enough of talking to me.When things were wrong,I made everything so smooth just by ignoring the negative parts and by keeping the spark alive.I would just keep things very light and laugh,cry with him without ever complaining or forcing anything on him and then he would talk about all those little things that we did together,the memories...he is just so much into those days we were with each other.Its kind of weird to talk about those cute moment over and over again but it is one thing that makes us feel that we are still a part of each other. But the thing that hurts me now is that one side of me irritates him like anything.When I feel insecure,when he can know from my voice that its hurting or Iam sad he just wants to avoid the situation and prefers not to talk to me and tells me it gives him a headache and blah blah. I realise he's not the emotional for me like he was 1 year ago.He was so sentimental that even though I had always been an easy going,carefree person, he still used to write me a big letter saying sorry and how much he was missing me after a little arguement.I just cannt forget how special I had been for someone and now he loves me only because of the way I talk and entertain and secondly because he loves to discuss the days we spent together(as we its our 1st and only relationship) and I dont know how the hell he feels mushy and asks for a kiss/hug.He still kisses me(LDR-on the phone) and says he loves me but I want more and cant take it if he moves on in future so instead of trying to do the right things now I want to concentrate on 'moving on'. But people I do not want to do NC as his interest will shift somewhere else and at the same time want to really 'move on' while keeping him hung with me,my memories.Iam so sure that he can never find someone as cute as me. Link to post Share on other sites
superm0nkey Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I haven't spoken to or heard from my ex in around two months now. Having no contact isn't about making your ex come back - it's about getting them off your mind so you can get on with the task of getting yourself together and moving on. Do I think my ex will ever contact me again? Most definately. There's no doubt in my mind that as soon as I forget her she'll send me an email asking how I'm doing. Do I care if I ever hear from her or see her again? No. The bottom line is that your ex is your ex for a reason and no amount of time will ever change the fact that things just didn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Personally, I don't think what kind of envorinment the dumper is in when the leave you will change how they feel. It may for a very short period, but eventually it will come around. If they miss you they will miss you....it is that simple. But NC isn't about getting them back, which I"m sure has been said a million times on here. I went NC with my ex (and I mean true NC, no text, myspace/facebook, email, phone calls nothing) about 2 and a half months ago. And about a week ago she finally opened up to me and told me that she has regretted everything! If that means we'll get back together, I don't know, time will tell.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennyfur01 Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 I'm starting to think that it only works like that sometimes. My ex is never going to contact me again. I'm 100% sure of that. We've been broken up for 11 weeks now. I saw him last Tuesday, and had a good time. But since then he hasn't returned my calls, answered his emails, and he just got the net at his house and it says I'm not a buddy on his AIM anymore. He's been adding a million slutty looking girls to his myspace. He doesn't care anymore. So screw him. I'm not contacting him anymore, but I don't think he'll ever contact me either. Link to post Share on other sites
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