Messed up, is it worth pursuing? any appreciated.

[man01603]

Hi there,

 

I'll try and keep this as short and to the point as possible, would appreciate any direction or opinion on my situation.

 

Background:

Basically, i had a relationship that lasted 2 years that recently ended a couple of months ago. Most of the blame for this can be attributed to me, as i was a constant pot user (daily use) and as a result of the smoking i became more and more detatched to the point where i stopped giving my relationship the attention it deserved. We were living together and i pushed for us to live seperately (stupid move on reflection) because of the way things were heading as we were losing the spark. Anyways, i get the call and she quite rightly decides that with the way things are, there's no future.

 

Current situation:

After the break i realised the many many mistakes i made, and decided that i needed to cut out the drugs from my life and havent smoked since. Since then i've really made the effort to get my life back on track and at the moment am going through what could be best described as re-discovering myself. I have tried to communicate my mistakes and my want to give things another go without any external influences plauging our relationship. I've had limited success, and she said shes open to the idea of starting again but with no garauntees, and we'd have to go through the friendship process and try and get back what it was that made us fall in love with eachother in the first place. We've been keeping in contact since through text messaging and some phone calling, but im making an effort to cut down as to avoid the 'safety net' trap that would do nothing for either of us. At the moment we're in a friendship stage and have enjoyed eachothers company but its clear there is a tension when we're in eachother presence, as much as we try to hide it.

 

This sounds like a very mature and sober way of approaching the situation, instead of jumping back in straight away. However, i have my reservations in that i feel like i may be setting myself up for another rejection later down the line. After all, its feasible that she'll change her mind, and although i feel like as time goes on im putting things into perspective i feel i might be seriously knocked back if things were to go wrong. I was devestated when things went wrong and i feel like im only just getting myself back on track, the idea of going back to square one frankly terrifies me.

 

What should i do? i do love her, and really do feel that a second chance would provide a worthwhile future for both of us, but the idea of going through what i've just gone through again is unfathomable. What to do guys?

 

Thanks for reading.