confusion while on a break, need insight!

[girlie908]

ahh i've been so addicted to LS lately, reading and such, it's addicting!

anyway i have my own confusion to deal with right now, so that's why i need some of your advice and input (you guys are good!)

 

Ok, so here's my story. I've been with my "boyfriend" for a year and 4 months. We went on a break last week because of his inability to commit to me fully because of his schedule (summer classes, working, etc...) and he was never good with keeping in touch in the first place. We go to college together, but during the summer, we're separated by a four hour drive, which makes it pretty difficult to see each other let alone our busy schedules. We have both invested a lot in this relationship, and care about each other, but we both have our goals and futures in mind, it's just that I am willing to keep up contact with him, whereas he wasn't sure if he had the time. Ouch. Can't force him to commit to me, so we decide to go on a break.

 

It's been one week that our break started, but we didn't establish any guidelines except for "exclusivity", so I currently have no idea where we stand. I, although optimistic, did not want to live in a fantasy world, and took this break as a gradual breakup, since he didn't want to commit, and I felt hurt knowing how one-sided our relationship was. I felt my independence grow stronger and the thought of not being with him was not as frightening as before, so I was considering just ending the relationship myself. We did chat on the phone at 3 different times, none for more than a couple of minutes though, and he acted cool and aloof, while I was perky and happy but did my proclaim my love/missing of him. His aloofness struck a nerve, and I began to think differently (staying up late, not able to sleep, but dammit no, I will not let him control me! So I'd think about what I wanted, and here's what I came up with.

I thought, "okay, my birthday is next week. Even though we are on a break and I can't expect anything, if he doesn't even call or attempt to do anything for me, it's over." It just hurts when you know you're the one putting your blood and sweat into a relationship only to realize that hey, you're not getting treated the same way, so step back and realize you should get what you deserve. (I admit this week, to keep my spirit's up I resorted to somewhat egotistical phrases such as "I am amazing!" to keep myself going). This birthday is going to be especially hard for me since it's my first birthday since my mother passed away, so even though I'm moving forward, my heart still feels incomplete.

I talked to some friends on the phone about this, and they said that I should do whatever makes me happy, and I guess I'm still not sure. I love the guy, I mean why else would I do crazy stuff for him (surprise him at his house, order his favorite dinner when we couldn't go out on our anniversary cuz he had to study so we had a picnic in my room, surprise him with tickets to his favorite band, make sure he had a cake on his birthday since his parents didn't get him one at home, etc..etc..) Maybe I'm a weirdo, who knows. But I guess I'm just crazy about him. But not about how he's been treating me, and this week I realized, damn that's just as important. I mean I've been reading all the threads "how do I get him/her" back? When I really think about it, do we really REALLY want to be with someone who REALLY doesn't want to be with us? Enough to push us away, not contact us, treat us badly, play games with us, etc... We are all great people in our own ways, so if you don't want to be with us then, too bad, it's your loss. Besides, would you really want someone to go out with if they didn't really want to? I had a lot of time to think, and it has done me some good. Haha

 

Okay sorry this is so long, but here is where the confusion comes in. I'm ready to move on because I'm thinking my "boyfriend" cannot commit to me, does not treat me the same way I treat him, and overall has not invested as much as I have in this relationship and believe it's time for me to accept that we have different views on relationships and move on. But then effing FACEBOOK, ugh, so I'm checking out wall posts, and his friend from home asks him if he's going with their "crew" to the beach one weekend it August, and he says no, and that he has Justin Timberlake tickets, in the town I live in. WTF. We both love this song by JT, "Lovestoned," and he used to always ask me to sing it to him. I duno if it's stupid or not to assume that one of those tickets are for me (that weekend is also our year and a half anniversary!), but needless to say, I was floored. I started jumping up and down. But then the confusion came in. Are those tickets a surprise for me? Wait aren't we on a break? Wasn't I going to break up with him? That's a pretty big (and expensive) surprise. But it's still 2 months away from now, so I'm so confused. I mean those tickets are really thoughtful, but what do I do right now? He doesn't know that I know, and he probably doesn't know that I'm friends w/ his friend on FB or else he wouldn't have posted it on his wall. Crap guys, I need help.

Thanks if you read this all, I know it's super long. =)

[madgun68]

Before either of you drift further apart, perhaps both of you should speak on the phone about the break itself. You need to assert what you're expecting to happen and how long the break is supposed to last.

 

So far, except for learning about those tickets, you've been drifting away from him. You really need to think about what your expectations are at this point.

 

(And really, are those tickets going to solve any of the problems you mentioned?)

[girlie908]

hey thanks for the advice. i'm just so confused, cuz i'm hurting, but i kno everyone hurts after being in a ltr. i still miss him, but would really want the relationship to change if we did get back together. my birthday's coming up on thurs? should i be angry if he doesn't call? and if he does call (i'm thinking he will or else i will be really hurt) should i pick up?? argh i hate not being able to sleep/do other normal activities cuz of this issue!