We decided to spend some time away from ech other but I miss him so much?

[soft heart]

I am feeling pretty blue today I dont want to make any mistakes, therefore, I decided to come here to ask for some help!

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We both got really stressed and down about our jobs.. he has been looking for a new job and was not getting anywhere and I quit my job at the same time. I guess this has affected our relationship.

 

It's been 21 days since my boyfriend and I last spoke. It's been 3 weeks since we agreed that we will not have any contact for a couple of months in order to focus on ourselves and see how we feel.

 

The thing is as much as I have been focusing on myself, made progress in my career, I miss him terribly. I honestly realise over and over again that I love him, noone else. I am worried that he has moved on, he has met someone else, and he has forgotten all about me and I am feeling pretty sad about that.

 

I asked my housemate, who was the one advising me to ask for this break, if I should contact my boyfriend. My housemate told me that I should wait some more time and maybe send him a small message a week later. However, a week later will be only a month since our agreement?!

 

I am not sure what to do to be honest. I am not sure whether to stick to 2 months with making no contact, or whether to send him a message a week later, or whether to just not contact him at all and wait if he makes the first move??! because he was the one ready to leave the relationship completely. In the end if he agreed instead of making it a final break up to have a break, spend some time away from each other.

 

Please tell me what do you think I should do? Thanks.

[sb129]

Sorry you are hurting, I know its tough, I really do.

 

If he initiated the break, and hasn't contacted you, I think you need to stick the the 2mth NC agreement, however tough it is for you.

 

Contacting him early may not achieve anything positive, and you may even feel worse if he doesn't reply, or asks for more time.

 

Follow the NC rules, look after yourself, do nice things for yourself, get out, see people, and focus on your life as it is now.

That way, when the 2mths is up you will be prepared for any eventuality, and a stronger person.

 

One of the other posters here is giving herself a little reward at the end of each day of NC she gets thru. I think thats a great idea... even if its just a magazine, or a potplant or something, it gives you an incentive to keep going.

 

Good luck, and I hope it works out for you.

[sb129]

PS. If your BF sees that you can cope for 2mths without him, that may have a positive effect on his feelings for you. It could make you more attractive to him.

[soft heart]

He was the one who wanted to break up, who was ready to leave. He told me he was not happy doing it but he felt like it was for the best. However, I asked him if he could give us a couple of months, spending time away from each other, taking a break, refresh our feelings to see how we feel and then talk later to see how we feel. I told him that I will not conctact him during this period and I will not affect his life as he was trying to focus on finding a new job. He agreed and said that we can try to do this. So the idea of having a couple of months apart was mine, although he was the one who wanted to leave completely beforehand.

 

But now I am finding it pretty hard, it's been 3 weeks and I miss him badly. So to imagine having to wait for 2 moths, it's hard? I love him so much.

[sb129]

I know it is honey, but you both agreed to do this.

 

If you are meant to be together, and end up back together this time will only make you stronger.

 

Tell you what.

 

Give it another week, then you will be halfway there. Then come back to me and lets reassess then. Hows that for a compromise?

[soft heart]

Thanks for your support!!! I will give it another week.

 

The thing is I guess I am really sad as I can now see he is not contacting me, he is not finding it hard, he has probably moved on, met someone else, forgot all about me, he is not missing me.

[sb129]

Thanks for your support!!! I will give it another week.

 

The thing is I guess I am really sad as I can now see he is not contacting me, he is not finding it hard, he has probably moved on, met someone else, forgot all about me, he is not missing me.

 

Good girl.

 

You never know, he could be wondering the same things about you. Try not to have those thoughts, because YOU are putting those ideas into your head, nobody else.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Softheart, please let him go. If you have any doubts about how miserable your future will be if you continue to keep this guy in your life, look no further than to the past. Open up your old posts. Read them carefully. This guy has been trying to get rid of you for TWO YEARS now. Two years ago, he was asking for breaks and breaking up with you. Give him what he wants, and let him go. For your own sanity, and for the sake of any future happiness you can expect to have - let him go.

 

Do not contact him again - he will do nothing but give you the false hope that has continued to keep you holding on for TWO FRIKKIN YEARS.

[sb129]

Softheart, please let him go. If you have any doubts about how miserable your future will be if you continue to keep this guy in your life, look no further than to the past. Open up your old posts. Read them carefully. This guy has been trying to get rid of you for TWO YEARS now. Two years ago, he was asking for breaks and breaking up with you. Give him what he wants, and let him go. For your own sanity, and for the sake of any future happiness you can expect to have - let him go.

 

Do not contact him again - he will do nothing but give you the false hope that has continued to keep you holding on for TWO FRIKKIN YEARS.

 

Wow. I wasn't aware of that, thanks LB.

 

Softheart, I revise my advice.

 

Continue with NC indefinitely. He isn't worth it, and NC is the best way to get over him and move on with your life.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but hes had his last chance IMO. You deserve better.