Guest Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I have been dating the most wonderful guy ever in his early 30's. I was his second girlfriend after a 4 yr period of singlehood and a really long first relationship. We have had the most wonderful 7 months together. He was practically living in with me. I have traveled many many weekends with him, met his family, friends, etc. His family and friends have told me in many ocassions that they have never seen him so happy as he was with me. Everything was perfect. The issue is that last saturday, our 7month anniversary, after many drinks he somewhat hinted the idea of breaking up. I attributted this to his drunken state. Sunday morning came, and I started to joke about it, and suddlenly, he tells me....its not that much of a joke. He starts to get serious, and tells me that he doesnt know where our relationship is headding, that he has been questioning himself for over 2 weeks now, that he doesnt see himself married right now. He tells me that he loves me, that I am perfect in everyway for him, that our relationship is perfect (we fought 1 time only), yet he does not know when he wants to get married and that he doesnt want to waist my time (im in my late 20's). I have never ever preassured him about getting married. He wanted to break up. I couldnt convince him it was not worth it. I told him that I wanted him to think things over, that the relationship we had was amazing and that his fear of commitment would be diminished in time by the building of our relationship. He agreed to my suggestion of meeting up in about two weeks from now. He has aknowledged that his fear of commitment might be the problem. I think he is traumatized by his parents divorce as well as some other divorces close to him (friends, etc)...this is my theory. I am utterly depressed, have not eaten much since the breakup 4 days ago, Ive cried so much my eyes hurt,....I really love my ex, I know he loves me, its has been 3 days since I have not spoken to him and I am burning inside. Will NC help him realize that he is throwing away a really great relationship (not only I think we had a great relationship, many many people told us that), maybe we moved things too fast (him practically living in with me since month 4). How can I help him get over his Commitment Phobia? Help me please, I am driving myself nuts....... Link to post Share on other sites
Prettyinblack Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 The best revenge and way of getting him to deal with his CP behaviour, is to get a life without him.. Honestly, go out, have fun and date....let him know about it and have a blast. Don't lose weight over this guy.... Let him come to his senses while you are out living your life. Really, time passes quickly...... Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Will NC help him realize that he is throwing away a really great relationship (not only I think we had a great relationship, many many people told us that), maybe we moved things too fast (him practically living in with me since month 4). If he is going to realize it -- NC is the only way it will happen. If he has been unsure of you this entire time then it won't. But then being involved with him wouldn't either. How can I help him get over his Commitment Phobia? The only thing you CAN do is make him man up and get over it. If he really loves you - then it has to mean enough for him to want to commit to it and stand by that. If you go on with him somehow - by letting him know it doesn't have to be serious or something like that - he will still have the fear and as the relationship goes on there will be little flare ups that will have him pulling away bit by bit with an eventual end. So if you want him. You're going to have to NC and see if he REALLY wants you and the relationship. Now is the best time because it has been so good between the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Ah... ladies. There are two sides to that story. From personal experiance, after dating a gal for six months I realized that she was assuming we were on a "marriage track". I had been divorced for a year or so when it began and re-marrying after a failed 25 year marriage wasn't in my immediate future. The whole time we dated we had ton's of fun, never argued, certainly never fought. After a short talk about the "future" she decided to go "NC" to give me a chance to miss her, and come back begging. She said as much, omitting the "begging" part of course. I haven't seen or heard from here since, and frankly, it wasn't a painfull thing. Sometimes "NC" is easier for the "dumpee" than the "dumpor". Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Thank you all for your help....Its been a rough weekend....I guess because it is the first without him....He texted me yesterday asking me for a phone no. of an airline....this since I used to be the one in charge of getting/changing our tickets almost all of the time....He didnt even say hello...he just asked me the number, I replied, he said thanks...and that was basically it....Is he trying to keep in touch?, test the waters? Im affraid things will cool off and he starts getting used to being alone again....Im struggling with NC.... Link to post Share on other sites
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