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She's soooo sensitive...too sensitive


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Old 7th February 2007, 4:02 AM   #1
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Angry She's soooo sensitive...too sensitive

I've been with her for about six months now. Said the "I love you's" to each other a couple of months ago but she's been WAY too sensitive since the beginning. Deep inside, I know I should probably walk away but I have to admit, this time it's kind of difficult for me to do that.

I've been "super" boyfriend to her and extremely tolerant eventhough she's been less than extremely tolerant of me.

The last (maybe relationship breaker) issue we had was a couple of nights ago. As I was leaving her apartment, we had hot, spontaneous sex that evolved from a goodnight kiss. I always use condoms, she selfishly chooses not to use any female birth control. Pills apparently don't agree with her but there are so many other choices for women but she is close minded to ALL, except the condoms I use. Anyway, after sex, she got off of me (she was on top). Both of us were very satisfied. She was very happy. I looked down and my condom WAS GONE! I had ejaculated in her. She checked herself and found that the condom was inside of her and that the opening was outside of her vagina. It looks like it came off as she got off of me so I think everything is cool. My "man juice" was visible inside of the condom so I don't think I actually got any inside of her.

THE PROBLEM: As I said, she is very hyper sensitive. After the scare of not seeing the condom on me and after she found it and we "assumed" that all was ok I said "oh man, I was going to ask you to consider seeing a pharmacist tomorrow.............you know, the morning after pill?". That's all it took. She got very quiet, started to sob a little. I asked her repeatedly what was wrong. She said "nothing was wrong". Then she repeatedly asked me to leave, leave, just leave, go home!

I tried and tried and tried to find out if what I said caused this reaction from her but she completely shut me out and closed down (she does that). She said that my comment wasn't why she was sooooooo upset but I BET IT WAS THE CAUSE. She wanted nothing to do with me and begged me to leave before the situation got worse so I did.

I've only gotten one text message from her since then saying to give her a few day's because she doesn't know what she "feels" right now. !!!!!!!!!!

I completely disagree with non-communication. Non-communication kills relationships and she's notorious for shutting me out when she gets in her hyper sensitive moods.

If there was an "accident" that night, I would be responsible about what needs to be done by me. If there was no accident and all is fine, I know I should probably leave her alone with all of her issues and hang ups but it's easier said than done when you're in love.

Why did what I say about getting the "morning after pill" upset her so much? I'm not ultra sensitive but I'm not a jerk either. I see no good reason for her to have gotten so upset. So upset that she may break up with me or I may choose to not put up with having to walk on egg shells around her and dump her! She frustrates me soooo much and sooooo often!
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Old 7th February 2007, 4:10 AM   #2
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I'm not sure. I had to run and get Plan B twice with my girlfriend when condoms broke. After the first time, I was the one worried about it. I spent 2 days afraid to have sex with her or even be close to her. Then I realized how stupid I was being.

It's possible that she feels rejected in a way. Like having a baby with her would be such a horrible thing. And I know what you're thinking, it would be a horrible thing, and she knows that too, but deep down your reaction hurt her.

I don't know what to say really. She'll likely get over it. I don't feel that it's anything you need to apologize about.
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Old 7th February 2007, 4:19 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by beave View Post
Why did what I say about getting the "morning after pill" upset her so much?
This is just my guess, but my first thought about why she would be upset is that she wants to have a baby and it upsets her that you don't. Or she has some kind of major hang-up with birth control and you really offended her by saying that. Or she might have had some traumic experience dealing with taking a morning after pill/ birth control. Could be any of those or something else.

You're right that the only way you'll know is if she talks to you about it. I suggest you wait until some time has passed, then sit down and have a discussion with her about why that upset her. Approach it by telling her that you want to know because you don't want to risk upsetting her the same way again.

If she still won't talk about it, you'll have to decide whether you can accept that.

If her problem *is* that she wants a baby now and you don't, then you've got some potential problems...
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Old 7th February 2007, 8:48 AM   #4
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I'm not sure as to her reaction about the morning after pill. Maybe she is one who feels that if you make a baby, you are committed?
I can tell you that I won't use any other form of birth control then a condom. For health reasons seriously NONE will work for me. So don't judge so harshly on that count.

Condoms aren't all fool proof and we all know that. For me its more a matter of disease, but whichever, what happened was scary.

If she's this sensitive over everything, then maybe she needs to grow up a bit.
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Old 7th February 2007, 1:08 PM   #5
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Fantastic responses and opinions. I really am surprised and appreciate the replies.

UPDATE: She called me today and left me a voicemail. She said she wanted to "hear my voice" and that I "was probably wondering when she was going to call". She sounded a lot calmer and as if she misses me. I haven't called her back. I want my frustration to subside some more before I talk with her. I'm kinda angry that she pushes me away then expects me to bounce back like a yo-yo whenever she feels more approachable. She's done this to me before. When we talk, I'm going to tell her that she has to stop shutting down on me. She's an educated woman, a teacher with a masters degree and it really surprises me how bad her personal communication skills can be. There is also going to be a lot more to talk about.
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Old 7th February 2007, 1:10 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by crazy_grl View Post
This is just my guess, but my first thought about why she would be upset is that she wants to have a baby and it upsets her that you don't. Or she has some kind of major hang-up with birth control and you really offended her by saying that. Or she might have had some traumic experience dealing with taking a morning after pill/ birth control. Could be any of those or something else....
She has told me that a few years ago (she's 30 now) she got pregnant by her long time boyfriend at the time. Turned out she had a miscarriage and it really devastated her, she was really looking forward to being a mother. She stayed in bed for about a week and subsequently got on anti depressants. According to her, the boyfriend was "happy" she lost the baby. I don't know if that's true or that's just the way she saw things. Maybe he wasn't as devastated as she was and given she's so sensitive, she was bewildered that he wasn't as bad off as she was. She broke up with him.



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If her problem *is* that she wants a baby now and you don't, then you've got some potential problems...
The possibility that she does want to get pregnant was one of the first things I thought of after our problem from the other night. That's kinda a scary thought to me since we've only been together six months and also mainly because I'm struggling with a career change to become a business owner. The next year or two can become financially very thin, not a great time to become a parent.
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Old 7th February 2007, 1:25 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by loveratud View Post
I spent 2 days afraid to have sex with her or even be close to her. Then I realized how stupid I was being.
I don't think you were being stupid because that's exactly how I feel right now. The scare I had is going to stick with me for a while. I can't even predict when will be the next time I'll feel like having sex. I'm just being honest. We have to discuss a few things (like extra birth control for her) before I'll feel comfortable again.

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Originally Posted by loveratud View Post
It's possible that she feels rejected in a way. Like having a baby with her would be such a horrible thing. And I know what you're thinking, it would be a horrible thing, and she knows that too, but deep down your reaction hurt her.
I think she has eluded to that before. We've haven't been together long enough in my opinion to know if we will stay together permanently. With the issues she has (I haven't described them all), I have thought many times of likelihood that we won't last.

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Originally Posted by loveratud View Post
I don't know what to say really. She'll likely get over it. I don't feel that it's anything you need to apologize about.
It seems she has kind of gotten over it since she did leave me a civil voicemail this morning.

I was very hurt after she told me to leave so I already did apologize by text message (since she didn't want to talk to me). Now, three day's later, my hurting turned into frustration and a little anger, so I'm not going to be too apologetic when we speak. In this situation, I'm not the only guilty party.
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Old 7th February 2007, 1:41 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by WildKittySub View Post
I'm not sure as to her reaction about the morning after pill. Maybe she is one who feels that if you make a baby, you are committed?
I can tell you that I won't use any other form of birth control then a condom. For health reasons seriously NONE will work for me. So don't judge so harshly on that count.

Condoms aren't all fool proof and we all know that. For me its more a matter of disease, but whichever, what happened was scary.

If she's this sensitive over everything, then maybe she needs to grow up a bit.
You hit a few points right on the head.

I have told her that I am committed to her so I'm not afraid of that. It's just not a good time at all for me to become a parent right now.

As far as the birth control, I'm not a woman so I don't know the specific negative reactions a womans body can have to birth control but, there is such a WIDE variety of birth control available so why say no to all of them? Isn't even the "sponge" fairly neutral to a womans body? My G.F. is closed to ALL of them. For an educated woman, it surprises me that she won't do a little research on less or non "hurtful" female birth control.

And YES, you're not the only one who has said she need to grow up a bit (she's 30!). I talked to my friends wife about this and she said the same thing. Even I've told her in the past that she can act more like a teen sometimes than and the 30 year old teacher that she is. I'm far from perfect but I don't shut down and not communicate like she does at times or be as hyper sensitive (she's even admitted to that many times), that in my opinion is very immature.
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Old 7th February 2007, 1:45 PM   #9
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RE:

Both of you are at fault, Beave. No one in a relationship is completely innocent -but then again, no one is completely guilty either.

The point: Non-communication does kill a relationship in several ways, and to several degrees. However, you should understand that you are dealing with a woman. A woman, with feelings, aspirations, desires, objections, and needs.

IF she was a male friend -like a buddy of yours- who you could easily say anything and the grass wouldn't move then that would be OK. But, she is sensitive and I don't think that is a bad thing.

I truly think you should be honest with her, when you two talk. Spill it out to her, and let her know how you feel. You should make her feel that she can confide in you.

This is a relationship -NOT just a friendship. IF you two don't work it out now, then when? In a year, when issues compile on top of each other -and worse comes to worse -one of you cheats.

I just have a hard time believing 'sensitivity' could harm a relationship and run this deep.

Think about a few things -and oh, do report back, IF you want.

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Old 7th February 2007, 4:07 PM   #10
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While I agree that both of us are at fault in different respects, I don't agree with letting her "hyper sensitivity" - as she admittedly labels herself, to control our relationship. My description of the problem is an example of the biggest yet. I could go on an on about the lesser skirmishes we've had because of "sensitivity". Yes, I am a man and men tend to be more rational and logical then women in certain instances. I think we can all agree that, in general, a couple made up of a rationally based man who is with an emotionally based woman are bound to have the periodic (major) issues come up.

She has asked me many times, "how do you put up with me? even my oldest friends don't know how you're coping with me".

I'm painting a bad picture of her but I wouldn't have been with her this entire time and still consider staying with her if she didn't have more positive attributes than negative. She can be very sweet, supportive, endearing, and loving to me as I am with her. But when she gets in a bad way, it gets BAD!


UPDATE: She sent me a text saying she wants me to come over tonight so we can talk in person. That's what I wanted since our "problem" the other night. I am going to lay everything out on the table. Hopefully she is open minded and receptive to me.
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Old 7th February 2007, 4:41 PM   #11
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I agree that you shouldn't put up with her super sensitive tantrums but she's also your partner and therefore you should be there for her. You have to understand her a little better. She wants kids, and if you don't , you need to do her the favor and tell her. If you too are

really in love, you can work these issues out. Explain what you want out of the relationship and maybe you two can come to an agreement. Many times issues occur when there is mis-

communication. And last but not least..... how can you not want to use condoms when u don't want children? If anything be happy she's responsible and is taking precautions... Good Luck

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 13th March 2007 at 6:56 PM.. Reason: formatting
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Old 7th February 2007, 5:16 PM   #12
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If you too are
really in love, you can work these issues out. Explain what you want out of the relationship and maybe you two can come to an agreement. Many times issues occur when there is mis-

communication. And last but not least..... how can you not want to use condoms when u don't want children? If anything be happy she's responsible and is taking precautions... Good Luck
No, no, no. Speaking of miss-communication, you miss-understood what I wrote. I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM. I would like her to use one of the many different types of female birth control IN ADDITION to my condom use, that's all. But she's closed minded completely to taking any kind of preventive measure herself. I don't think that's fair at all.

Also, she hasn't told me she wants a baby out right but I believe that sub-consciously she may want one. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'm going over there tonight and we hopefully will hash things out in a positive way.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 13th March 2007 at 6:56 PM.. Reason: formatting
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Old 7th February 2007, 5:59 PM   #13
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Maybe it isn't that she wants a baby (she never said she did!).

Maybe it's that she needs to know you will not try to make her get rid of (abort) a baby IF she happens to become pregnant accidentally. Would you?

Maybe she needs to be assured that if she did become pregnant accidentally, that you would stand by any decision she would want to make regarding the fetus. Would you?

She probably feels if you could stand by her, you really do love her and would be willing to commit to her if she accidentally became pregnant. On the other hand, if you are not willing to stand by her, how much do you love her and how committed are you to her? She is probably questioning that right now. She is probably feeling scared and vulnerable. She is probably wondering if having sex with you is too much of a risk. She is looking for security. Can you give it to her?

These are things a woman wants and needs to know.

Maybe you need to do some soul searching and consider what you would do if she actually did become pregnant. Stay or go. Support or abandon. Welcome the baby or abort it. Those are tough questions especially since you've only been together 6 months.

All the more reason to talk about birth control, sex, and what your needs and desires are right now.
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Old 7th February 2007, 9:59 PM   #14
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Maybe it's that she needs to know you will not try to make her get rid of (abort) a baby IF she happens to become pregnant accidentally. Would you?

Maybe she needs to be assured that if she did become pregnant accidentally, that you would stand by any decision she would want to make regarding the fetus. Would you?
Taylor, I don't think this is what you were suggesting, but just incase the OP might be thinking it: If you don't want a baby, but your gf does, I wouldn't recommend telling her you'll stick by her side no matter what. The sad reality is that some girls trap guys by purposely getting preggers. Telling them you'll stick by them is pretty much saying, "If you 'accidentally' get pregnant, I'll be a patsy, stick with you and forget about what I wanted."

If you want to stay with her but know for sure you don't want a kid with her at present, tell her that if she gets knocked up, it's her choice whether to keep it or not. You'll pay the necessary child support, but you don't know if you'll stay with her, because you're not ready for a baby.

Unless of course you'd gladly welcome the baby. Then by all means, say you'll stand by her a support her in any way.

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She is probably feeling scared and vulnerable. She is probably wondering if having sex with you is too much of a risk. She is looking for security. Can you give it to her?
If these are the things she's thinking, it's not his concern. The reason I say that is because she's not taking action to protect herself. Why should he try to alleviate her fears when she does nothing for herself? She could easily take birth control and reduce the chances of this problem. Like he already pointed out, there are many forms of birth control.

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Maybe you need to do some soul searching and consider what you would do if she actually did become pregnant. Stay or go. Support or abandon. Welcome the baby or abort it. Those are tough questions especially since you've only been together 6 months.
I disagree. Right now, I think you should think about:
1- are you ready to have children
2- if not, are you willing to continue a sexual relationship with a woman who won't take the necessary precautions against pregnancy and gets upset when you mention plan B

If after you talk with her, it turns out that she wants kids and you don't, I think you should end the relationship.

A man who doesn't yet want kids shouldn't start a relationship with a woman who does. If this were an LTR where after 2 years she decided she was ready for kids, my advice would be different. But this is a 6 month relationship. It's just starting.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with a woman entering a relationship wanting kids. If the guy doesn't though, it means they're not compatible, because they're in different places. Both should move on to find someone who wants the same thing they do.

Quote:
All the more reason to talk about birth control, sex, and what your needs and desires are right now.
I agree with that.

Last edited by crazy_grl; 7th February 2007 at 10:01 PM..
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Old 7th February 2007, 10:05 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by taylor View Post
Maybe it isn't that she wants a baby (she never said she did!).

Maybe it's that she needs to know you will not try to make her get rid of (abort) a baby IF she happens to become pregnant accidentally. Would you?

Maybe she needs to be assured that if she did become pregnant accidentally, that you would stand by any decision she would want to make regarding the fetus. Would you?

She probably feels if you could stand by her, you really do love her and would be willing to commit to her if she accidentally became pregnant. On the other hand, if you are not willing to stand by her, how much do you love her and how committed are you to her? She is probably questioning that right now. She is probably feeling scared and vulnerable. She is probably wondering if having sex with you is too much of a risk. She is looking for security. Can you give it to her?

These are things a woman wants and needs to know.

Maybe you need to do some soul searching and consider what you would do if she actually did become pregnant. Stay or go. Support or abandon. Welcome the baby or abort it. Those are tough questions especially since you've only been together 6 months.

All the more reason to talk about birth control, sex, and what your needs and desires are right now.
I texted her the day after (because she didn't want to talk to me) and in that text, one of the things I said was that I would be supportive of whatever OUR situation were to become...meaning pregnancy.

BUT, in this day and age and being the rational minded person I am, I don't see how a woman can become accidently pregnant. Obviously, that night in question, there was a chance of accidental pregnancy but only because I was the only one using birth control (a condom). There are just too many female contraceptive medications or devices for a accidental pregnancy to happen. I'm sorry but I just don't think that two intelligent people such as her and I should risk accidental pregnancy by not going that extra step in birth control.

I had even told her a while back that I was considering not "finishing" inside of her eventhough I always use a condom. SHE GOT OFFENDED! Sheesh! She said, "why don't you just wrap your whole body in a condom if you're that afraid of getting me pregnant, or maybe we just shouldn't have sex anymore". I just don't understand that attitude. I responded by saying that it still is risky to "finish" inside of her and what happened a little later, just what I said happened in my first post, I got the crap scared out of me when I looked down and my condom was missing. (Read my first post please for all the details).

BTW - I DO NOT RECOMMEND DUREX WARMING PLEASURE STUDDED/RIBBED CONDOMS SPECIFICALLY. THEY ARE NEW AND NOTED THAT IT PROBABLY CAME OFF BECAUSE THEY HARDLY HAVE ANY LUBE WHICH MAKES IT EASIER FOR IT TO SLIP OFF AN ERECT PENIS, WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I SHOULD SUE DUREX FOR MENTAL STRESS AND DURESS!!!!
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