Psychological Abuse / Warfare in Breakups

[nonentity]

Hi everybody. I'm new here, and need your help. I am looking for a website / forum which lists psychological warfare / intimidation / destabilization tactics as a method for breaking up with someone and getting (i.e., extorting) what you want. My live-in boyfriend of 6 years told me about these tactics and showed me a forum or something online about a year ago. My response was that was the sickest, most depraved stuff I'd ever heard of and I could not believe a person would actually do that to another human being. Little did I know that he would someday be deploying them on me. The story is too long and ugly to go into online, but basically I ate crap in an emotionally abusive relationship with this guy for 6 years (thought "acceptance / finding happiness in myself was the answer!"), then he ended it by systematically deploying a series of brutal tactics designed to wear down my resistance and make me doubt my own sanity.

 

Essentially, I was psychologically raped. I see now how people are driven to suicide by "breakups" like this. I have never experienced anything like this in my life, and never will again.

 

THAT he ended it is not the issue -- even though he dumped on me throughout the relationship, I am so naive / compassionate I was going to let him stay in the house until his new digs were ready. HOW he ended it is a serious issue, because I have been severely traumatized by this experience and was forced to involve law enforcement and retain a lawyer in order to protect myself. So on top of dealing with all the emotional stuff of losing someone I loved (and who I now know did not love me at all) I have to prepare a legal defense for the actions HE, through this sick stuff, forced me to take.

 

The most vivid example of one of these tactics I can give involves taking a picture of the person while they're sleeping. You take it at an odd angle, and be sure there's nothing cute or flattering about it. When you show it to the person (right before the "breakup speech") it destabilizes them mentally because a) sleeping is the universal sign of vulnerability and b) when you show it to 'em all they think is "ew - that's weird". It doesn't register immediately - it just alerts you subconsciously that something is off. There are steps prior to this (i.e., creating a false sense of security, subtle environmental changes like putting an air freshener in front of the toilet that could be a camera) and after (demanding a large sum of money, bouncing a huge check...). There is a whole list of them out there, in a series of steps, and the further you go down the more dangerous they get (i.e., hiding / disposing of the person's medications). All are designed to give the perpetrator all the power / control and to keep the victim* destabilized / vulnerable / panicked. My guy got pretty far down the list until, thankfully, I remembered him having showed it to me online. Then all the pieces started to come together and I realized I had to get him out of my house to save my life - that if I didn't it would only intensify and I could end up on a psych unit or worse.

 

Anyway, I have searched and searched for this website / forum but cannot locate it anywhere. I am desperate to find it. It's the basis for my defense. This chaos is NOT my life, not who I am. My mind does not operate on a diabolical level, nor am I very technically savvy. So, if anyone out there can help me find this information online would you please PLEASE contact me? I am desperate.

 

So sorry for the long post, especially as a newbie. I just don't know where else to turn. Thanks - nonentity

 

* normally I avoid this term - after all, I picked (i.e., "rescued") this sick guy - but in this case I feel it's appropriate.

[RocketMan2]

I doubt very much if anyone on here knows of this "site" of which you speak, let alone would publicly post the URL.

 

Plus, if you want someone to find it for you, you'd be better off with google answers or something (actaully, thats closed now, my bad. Im sure theres similar services though).

 

Besides, what evidence is a URL?

 

I think you need to see a counceller, rather than getting entangled in hate and revenge.

 

Rocket

[kimba]

the website sounds really sick and i think you need to stay as far away as possible from it. You are treading a dangerous line there.

[nonentity]

No - you don't understand. I don't want this URL publicly posted -- I just need to FIND it.

 

I have evidence that he used these tactics -- his digital camera with the picture of me sleeping on it, the bogus check, witnesses... The URL in and of itself is needed to corroborate the sequence / timing of his having deployed these tactics ON ME.

 

Right now, it is about survival. It will take YEARS to recover from this psychologically / emotionally, if that's even possible. These wounds will scar but they may never truly heal. If you have never experienced this type of trauma, you could not understand it or empathize.

 

I know you all do not know me but I ASSURE you I am a good, decent, SINCERE, hardworking person. It is a CRIME to do this to another human being and there ARE legal precedents for it. But my main concern right now is self-preservation and in order to do that I need that website.

 

Thanks.

[V._Confuzzled]

Forgive me for asking but, how will a website corroborate what has happened?

 

No doubt you have been hurt, however, if you are going to take it further, wouldn't it be better to let the proper authorities do the searching? You could then try an concentrate on the healing process.

[nonentity]

The website(s) list the tactics in a specific order and they are deployed and specific time intervals (i.e., 3. "within x hours, demand an outrageous sum of money" 4. "within x hours, drain - but do not close - your joint checking account" 5. "if still no reaction, bounce a large bogus check on the joint checking account you drained.") These tactics are PROGRESSIVE and designed to progressively destabilize / wear down a person, throwing them into panic / survival mode. They deteriorate to the point of hiding or taking the other person's medications (a potentially life-threatening occurrence, but at the least propels one into a scramble / drains their mental energy / costs them time, money etc.). That's when I realized how deadly serious this all was. He deployed a SERIES of progressively debilitating tactics, in a preplanned order, at timed intervals.

 

If he hadn't told me about it I never would have believed it. Thank God I just remembered it / it remained in the recesses of my mind in time enough to put all the pieces together.

 

BTW, there are various "terms" for this stuff -- non-contact weapons, non-lethal weapons, coercive persuasion, non-lethal persuasion...

 

Also, my ex is a computer GENIUS who LIVES ON THE INTERNET. He is also a PSYCHIATRIC NURSE who REGULARLY uses intimidation tactics in his line of work. I, in contrast, am a novice, and obviously very, very naive.

[V._Confuzzled]

It seems as though revenge may be a driving factor here? Please correct me if im wrong. Is there really any logic why your b/f would do this to you?

 

If you haven't already, i believe you should try talking to someone about how you feel, perhaps professionally. People on here can only help so much, it would be much better to talk to someone about the pain your going through. From what you've said, that you have been 'psychologically raped' is a most worrying sign.

 

Can you not tell someone?

[princessa]

Is this the kind of info you're looking for?

http://mindcontrol101.blogspot.com/2005_11_01_mindcontrol101_archive.html

 

Interesting material.. Check out the Links section too.

[nonentity]

Is this the kind of info you're looking for?

http://mindcontrol101.blogspot.com/2005_11_01_mindcontrol101_archive.html

 

Interesting material.. Check out the Links section too.

 

YES, princessa - that is exactly what I'm looking for. At least it is a lead! Someone else told me that what he showed me could be on a "P2P" or subscriber-only newsgroup. As I stated, my guy was a technical GENIUS and knows all kinds of stuff that's totally beyond me. Thank you so much.

 

BTW, I am in therapy and have been throughout this 'relationship' (a total misnomer, I now realize). I'm also on antidepressants. This thing was emotionally / psychologically abusive from the get go but as I said I thought that "acceptance" (love, kindness, tolerance - all that "high road" stuff) was the solution. Like any good abusee, I just adapted to it. I had even reached the point where I said, "God, if this is as good as it gets for me, I'm alright with it. I have a home, a job, friends, family, my health - besides, no relationship is perfect." Rationalization, compassion and "finding happiness in myself" were my saving graces, I thought. How little I knew.

 

Why would he do this? Because he's either diabolical / evil (a shark / user / con man) or mentally ill himself (Narcissistic Personality Disorder = extremely poor prognosis, as in zero capacity for insight / growth). I always believed that somewhere beneath the rough exterior was a scared little boy who had the capacity to love and need to connect with another human being. The more I learn about what I've experienced, the more I realize his infantile / sick behavior and need to control / dominate were borne of insecurity and fear. That was the (imagined?) part of him I fell in love with and never gave up hope on. It's what kept me hooked.

 

Anyway, enough for now. Thanks again for the lead. At least I have some hope now for myself. Best - NE