funkify Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years now but on and off for the last 1-2 years. We had an amazing relationship but for reasons unknown to me I think I started falling out of love with him. He was my first serious relationship and we got together at only 18, now I'm 23. He always wanted to marry me one day but as time went on I felt more and more uncomfortable about it. Even though I love him to death, maybe I just wasn't 'in love' with him. I could never understand why this passion for him was now gone. He was everything I was looking for yet I was not feeling right about it. I broke up with him 2 years ago and since then we've been on and off...me being the one who always broke it off because of the 'uneasy' feeling. But then I loved him and didn't understand this 'uneasiness' so we kept getting back together. But as soon as things started getting too committed I'd back off again. Never understood why...maybe I never will. This 'on-and'off relationship' was so destroying to both of us. Me, because I never knew why I couldn't commit to him and why I felt 'uneasy and confused' all the time when I'd known this guy for 5 years now. Him, because the woman he loved kept breaking his heart. So last night he finally had enough. After a comment I made about us not being official 'yet' he told me he couldn't deal with it anymore. Fair enough, there's only so much a heart can take. Writing this now, I feel such sadness because I lost the first person I could truly call my best friend. We shared so many precious moments. I'd give anything to be madly in love with him in the way he loves me but my stupid heart won't listen. I'm scared I may never find anyone who loves me like him and I've blown the best thing in my life. That I'll meet all the wrong people and kick myself later on for letting go of the best man ever. Guess I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. Any words of advice or war stories are greatly appreciated, thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 ...Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I was very much like this but - I think there was a huge difference (maybe not). I met wonderful men -- not just one. They were great and very much in love with me and although I cared for them - the 'uneasy' feeling would cause me to bolt. The first one was very similar to yours now. We started dating when I was 17 and it was initially wonderful. But the last 2 years of our 5 year relationship was on again off again by my doing. I finally walked away completely, moved away, and stopped all contact because it was inevitable we would get back together and then break up again. So there were others. Several were on again off again until I just couldn't be that unfair anymore. Unfortunately I usually just dropped off the face of the Earth instead of being honest. It was too easy to get sucked into all of the emotional talk which when I was away from them made me 'uneasy' and feeling like I just wanted to run. In the end the only thing that really resolved it and got my head on straight was time alone without romantic involvement, those leading conversations, etc. Your thoughts funkify? Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 It could be a pattern within yourself, or something truly could have been wrong or missing from him or the relationship. Probably only time and distance from it will give you enough perspective to know for sure. Better to err on the side of caution than to marry someone if it feels wrong. I have been married for twelve years and I am still learning about what it means to love and be loved, and what I would look for in an ideal lover if I were starting over today. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostandfound Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 If I may put a male perspective on this. This is exactly what my ex was going through, when we first got together, she told me about her marriage and her last relationship had both failed miserably, due to the male partner going with other women. She also told me very early in our relationship that she already felt I was unlike the other domineering , put you down sort of guys who expected everything to be done for them, and basically wore her down. Suffice to say we had a great time, and got very very close, as did her children and me. QWe even agreed that in time when it ws possible we would get married and all set home together But that ws just it, she claims that our relationship went so well that she was frightened of the hurt for her and the kids all over again, despite what I said to her, she still had this fear, and took control and ended it. Strange I know, and maybe it isnt the whole truth as I am sure there is more to come out from all of this. I even offered to pay for, and go with her to councselling to help her with this and she agreed, but then for whatever reason we never got round to it. Girls when you feel the good thing, it is usually because it is Link to post Share on other sites
Double D Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well said LostandFound Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Upon re-reading my post I think I'm romanticising the relationship quite a bit. There were quite a few ugly moments too. THe first time we broke up I felt he wasn't making enough effort and taking me for granted. Then the bad stuff got worse...yelling at my family, stalking, cheating. NOw that it's over and I miss him I guess I just block out all the bad stuff and only remember the good times. Even though I fell out of love with him way before any of this happened, I'm sure it couldn't have helped the situation! Link to post Share on other sites
Lostandfound Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Christ almighty, I did none of this and still lost the one woman i have ever loved, and you still want him back. Either he must be a real special guy or i have missed the plot somewhere and have to start stalking to win mine back. Women really dont know a good thing when you have it, only when you have lost it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Christ almighty, I did none of this and still lost the one woman i have ever loved, and you still want him back. Either he must be a real special guy or i have missed the plot somewhere and have to start stalking to win mine back. Women really dont know a good thing when you have it, only when you have lost it. I guess I don't really think about the bad stuff because he always said that my 'confusion' about loving him led him to do all that stuff. So I blame myself for it. He says he would've never flipped out in those ways if I just loved him like he loved me without 'screwing him around'. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostandfound Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I guess I don't really think about the bad stuff because he always said that my 'confusion' about loving him led him to do all that stuff. So I blame myself for it. He says he would've never flipped out in those ways if I just loved him like he loved me without 'screwing him around'. How life could be oh so more simple. There is another thread on here about the magic 3 words and when you utter them for the first time. Did you ever tell him how you felt for him. My ex told me after 2 days that she loved me, yes 2 days, christ i was panicking and feeling all sorts of pressure, it wsnt until about a month into the relationship that i felt anything like love for her. I do not know if this is the real reason why we broke up, because the real reasons have yet to be or may never be revealed. Link to post Share on other sites
kandi Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I just want to leave a comment. I feel you. I was in the same situations years back until recently. I had a mate for 4 yrs. I fell in love and it was great. I started getting seconds thoughts about us later on towards the end of the relationship. It was on and off because of me. I soon broke it off. I am only 25 now. I recently got dumped out of my 1 yr relationship. I never worried about being loved or losing the best thing in my life until this recent one. Never have I been so inlove with someone. I feel like I will never be so inlove again. I tell myself life is a journey and we will go through pain and heartache, heartbreak until the right one comes along. It still chokes me up inside to know I will never put my arms around the one I was with for a year. This one hurt more than my 4 yr relationship or or my 3 yr relationship. It is funny to think about it. I walked away from my other ones. This one walked away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'm sorry to hear that Kandi. I guess it's better though that the person you are with loves you just as much as you love them. You are only 25 and still have lots of adventures to be a part of Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
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