Jump to content

Should I include this too?


Recommended Posts

I decided to give back EVERYTHING. I don't want any of it. I am going to drop off the boxed stuff today to include the things he bought me for Christmas. Some things I like but so what? I want nothing from this man but for him and reminders of him GONE.

 

Anyway, I wrote a letter. I'm not sure if I should put it with the stuff or what.

 

Dear Dave,

 

You say you won't let what happened to you before happen to you again. I agree. You don't let anyone get that close to your heart.

 

You wanted to. I know in my heart you wanted to get that close with me. But you would not allow yourself to. You fought it with everything you had.

 

Sometimes I think you were on the fence about it. It was in those times that you'd say what I needed to hear. It was though you were willing to take a jump with me. But you'd pull back. For fear of trust.

 

I know who I am. I know what I'm worth. You can try and pretend I don't exist. You can try to lay all the blame on me. You can even direct all the anger you have towards Heather at me. You can try to convince yourself I'm just like her even.

 

If blocking things out works for you that's great. The only bad thing about that really is that it isn't so great for anyone who tries to get close to you.

 

And your pulling back makes them pull back in return until eventually they turn away from you completely.

 

This seems to be the pattern which is frequently encountered.

 

It's true that all we had between us was sex. I'd have gladly given more if I was getting more in return.

 

Unfortunately you would not allow it.

 

I know I never meant much more to you than a lay. God I've been saying that for months. If you truly cared you wouldn't be able to just flip a switch and turn it off so easily. Deep feelings can't shut off so quickly. And turn a nice person into someone so mean.

 

Yeah I think you're mean. It's all about you and your feelings. When you truly care you put that other person's feelings above your own sometimes.

 

But the bottom line is you never cared. Or I should say you never cared enough to open up. Which is why you think you can replace me with someone you meet in a bar. Another lay.

 

Whereas when I think of replacing you, it's with someone I want to be in love with.

 

So answer me this...who fooled who here? And when it all settles down, aren't you mostly just fooling yourself?

 

Best wishes - A

 

 

 

So should I include it? Or should I just keep it to myself? Well, other than sharing it with you fellow LSers. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't share it. It's always good to get these things out, but not so good to share them with the intended recipient.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It's always good to get these things out, but not so good to share them with the intended recipient.

 

Why is that exactly? :confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Because they are on defense mode and will not take the letter as intended. Instead of perceiving it as a vent, they will perceive it as an attack. IME the less said, the better -- because you have less of a chance of sticking your foot in your mouth, or being petty.

 

But if you feel strongly that you need to communicate this information and you're sure that it will be received openly and not fall on deaf ears, go ahead and send it. I just think "Dear John" letters are always kind of constructed in an off-kilter moment and can sometimes end up biting you in the ass.

 

I mean, why the need for disclosure with someone who doesn't deserve it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I mean, why the need for disclosure with someone who doesn't deserve it?

 

You make a very valid point. Thank you.

 

I guess I wanted to offer insight somehow. I'm a geek, I know. But I was thinking it could help him in future relationships. To not be so shut down.

 

And maybe to make him feel he's partially responsible too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sit on it for a few days and if you still feel that way then send it. Let yourself wind down first.

 

You know this sounds pretty good to me right now. Should I do the same thing with his stuff? Or should I bring that back today?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why the need to punish him by giving back the gifts ??

 

He broke up with you.. he hurt you.. but that doesn't mean you should strike back and try to hurt him.

 

I personally think that it is a childish thing to do by giving back gifts and things he has gotten you..

 

donate them if you decide you don't want them or throw them out.. but by giving them back to him all you are trying to do is hurt him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I try to avoid interactions with people until I know I can be as unresponsive as possible to them. If you feel like you could be reactive in any way, I would wait.

Link to post
Share on other sites

His stuff is his stuff...so he should get it back. Although I have some of my ex's stuff (one thing with big time sentimental value) and I'm holding on to it until he asks for it back. I doubt he ever will...

 

Anyway, what he gave you as gifts is another story. I would hold on to those for a while. At first I thought about giving mine back, too. But then I realized I exchanged things for those gifts with him...and just because he decided to break things off, I don't know why I should have to go out and replace things I enjoy and use often! So I kept those things and I'm glad. I would hold off.

 

Also, random thought--if you are getting rid of gifts because you don't want them (memories or whatever?), doesn't it make sense to sell them or donate them instead of letting him keep everything?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I personally think that it is a childish thing to do by giving back gifts and things he has gotten you..

 

donate them if you decide you don't want them or throw them out.. but by giving them back to him all you are trying to do is hurt him.

 

I agree. I just got back from dropping off his palm trees. Boy were they heavy.

 

Anyway I didn't give him anything but the palms. I was suppose to hang on to them and take care of them until it got warmer. But they were his.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Art, don't give the gifts back. That does strike me as coming off childish.

 

My ex left a Christmas gift that I got her at my house. I knew she wanted it back and she asked for it back so I gave it to her. What would be the point of me taking it back? She gave me gifts for Christmas as well. They're put away though where I don't see them.

 

One day I may give those gifts away. Hopefully not long after I meet "Ms. Right..."

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
She gave me gifts for Christmas as well. They're put away though where I don't see them.

 

 

That's what I need to do. Move the boxed stuff into my shed.

 

It was really empowering bringing back his trees. And I'm glad I didn't leave the note.

 

Thank you everyone for your input. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anyway I didn't give him anything but the palms. I was suppose to hang on to them and take care of them until it got warmer. But they were his.

 

Cool....and I have to laugh at the palms part..Glad you didn't keep them.. that way you didn't have to deal with him in 3 months when the weather changed

Link to post
Share on other sites

My ex sent me my gifts to him after I broke up with him. Yes, he tried to hurt me, make me aware his existance, and make me feel bad to myself, and make me feel sorry for him. You know what, I did not.

I did not get hurt. I knew he exists without receiving my gifts back. I did not feel bad to myself. I did not feel sorry for him.

I was simply annoyed by his action. I further realized that breaking up with him was a good decision. He kind of ruined good memory feeling that I had little bit.

 

It depends on how you guys ended and how he feels towards you, but it will do only negative either -100 from -1000 or -1000 from +100.

 

I recommend not do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
and I have to laugh at the palms part

 

It is kind of funny. I don't know why I'm thinking he's gonna think I got a man to help me with them.

 

My exH use to think the same thing when I'd change the locks on him.

 

Really I shouldn't give a crap what he thinks, but I know he's gonna. I'm tiny. But it does not mean that I'm not mighty. :D

 

Yes I know Art...childish :o:laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...