JLO22 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 I want to leave my current BF alone but dont know how to do so! He is a very sensitive guy and he told me when his last GF called it quits he got depressed and even suicidal. We have been dating for eight months know and I don't see it going anywere. First of all its a LDR, he just had a new born child, lost his job, and everything I say to him his response is "LIAR" I feel that he is 400 miles doing whatever he damn please to do but when I come home he makes plans and don't stick with them....... I am tired of the BS my EX and BF are friends somewhat!!! I miss my ex so bad and I dont know what to do....... But I am going to tell him face to face I don't feel the relationship going anywhere and I want out..... ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO TELL HIM>>>><<<<< Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 First of all its a LDR, he just had a new born child, lost his job, and everything I say to him his response is "LIAR" I feel that he is 400 miles doing whatever he damn please to do but when I come home he makes plans and don't stick with them....... Tell him that^ and don't let anyone make you believe that their choice to commit suicide is your fault. I'd rethink the face to face part. Suicide and homicide aren't far apart and if someone wants to die, who's to say they wouldn't take someone out with them? That's scary. I used to be scared my ex-husband would take us all out sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 The fact that it is a LDR helps. Try a gradual withdrawal for a while. Less conversations and contact. No more sex. At some point, you will need to talk to him, but you cannot feel responsible for his depression. If you care for him, you should tell his friends and family what just happened so that they know in case he choses not to tell them himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLO22 Posted December 31, 2006 Author Share Posted December 31, 2006 Great advice!! I want my EX back but my EX and BF are firends in a way. They play in the same band... I will not get back with my EX now but later on in the years to come! My EX and I spent time over the Hoildays together we talk about eventually getting back... and our breakup was so shocking to us both the way it happen... He did some dumb things and I needed to get away for a while to bad it was with a guy he knew of!! Do you think if I get back with I am looking for trouble... Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Great advice!! I want my EX back but my EX and BF are firends in a way. They play in the same band... I will not get back with my EX now but later on in the years to come! My EX and I spent time over the Hoildays together we talk about eventually getting back... and our breakup was so shocking to us both the way it happen... He did some dumb things and I needed to get away for a while to bad it was with a guy he knew of!! Do you think if I get back with I am looking for trouble... Yeah -- I would not get back with the Ex until you are convinced he won't do more "dumb things.", and you should give things a long time to let the drama among your current circle of folks to subside. Besides, it doesn't sound like you waited to long to find another bf, so you might want to think about how special things with the ex really were... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 This is the newly-Christian BF who won't have sex with you because of his walk with Jesus? Take heart - perhaps his new faith in God will give him enough strength so he doesn't contemplate suicide. And yes, if you get back with your ex, you are courting trouble. I don't think your current BF will handle that well. Does your ex also live 400 miles away? Maybe you could go out and meet some men closer to home instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLO22 Posted December 31, 2006 Author Share Posted December 31, 2006 Yeah this is the new CHRISTIAN BF, but thats not the reason why I am leaving him! I dont see the relationship going anywere? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 My disconnected opinion: screw the suicide threats. His life is in his own hands, not yours. That suicide stuff should never even be an option, let alone should it ever be mentioned. If you're considering leaving him, then just go. That's already enough evidence that he's not man enough to keep you. Let him follow whatever orders Self-Selection gives him, and don't fool yourself into thinking you made a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLO22 Posted December 31, 2006 Author Share Posted December 31, 2006 TRUE! You are so RIGHT! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Don't make his issues your issues. I was told that statement once in counseling. I was putting someone else's issues before my own needs/wants at the time. It has stuck with me all these years. Sounds like it applies here, too. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 I think that slowly withdrawing is a good idea. That way, he will kind of see it coming (even subconsciously) and he won't be so used to spending all his time with you--makes it easier to adjust to not seeing you at all. It's perfectly normal to be concerned about hurting someone when you end a relationship. But worst case scenario, if he did end his life, that would be about HIM, not about you or anything you did. Frankly, you don't have that kind of power--no one is THAT great! If he does something drastic it will be because he is sick and needs help. Link to post Share on other sites
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